Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Holly Brians Ragusa. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Holly, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
Sure! Thank you Canvas Rebel!
So, about a decade ago, a few of us parents would meet at a coffee shop before our junior high aged children walked the two city blocks to school together. Friendliness allowed me to meet a gentleman there who was readying to climb Mount Everest. As he was leaving, I wished him luck and told him to “Take care!”. He smiled, then said back to me, “Thanks! Take risks!”. I’ve never forgotten that important distinction and have since wished many others that provocative farewell.
More importantly, I have taken that leading advice which has enabled me to see more clearly where taking past risks moved me further along in the best parts of my journey.
Comfort, it seems for many, is a destination. And I’ll agree, to a point, that seeking steady, reliable, even ideal situations can provide us with a preferred level of stability. However, stability and comfort promise neither safety nor joy. In fact, comfort can move us away from passion and purpose into regret or a false sense of self.
Purpose and passion have compelled me, and I am grateful for their role in building my life. I’ve taken many risks worth writing about here, yet I’ll focus on a recent one close to my heart and craft. While writing my own terribly painful, intimate, personal story, MET THE END, I was advised to go the traditional route. I was informed to get in line and stay in line. I was repeatedly told what that line looked like and what shape it took. Most authors envisage their work in print and will seek an agent in order to secure a publisher, and I did exactly that. I educated myself, branded myself and built myself up to endure the remarkable amount of rejection a writer receives by sharing their work. Each submission and query, to this day, are differing degrees of risk.
Fortunately my search did end with an agent, and that was where the real education started;
the education of me, the person who is a writer (and I’m certain to always be learning).
In working with someone better versed within the labyrinth of publishing (or any microworld), trust is key, yet inherently scales are uneven for insight into industry, craft and confidence. Whatever the agent wants, a writer wrestles with providing, often acquiescing for the advancement of the work. Lose 15,000 words? No problem. Dig deeper into your emotional minefield? Absolutely. Change the trajectory or focus of your story to fit a bookshelf of like minded stories? Ummm. Fit the trim size and tale for a sales projection? Hmmm.
My agent and I eventually parted ways, and though it was under good circumstances, and I learned a great deal, my ego was enormously bruised. In desperation, I considered sending more query letters, doing more networking, attending more conferences…and then it hit me- the true reason I had ever put a word on a page- I felt compelled to tell this story. My story. I felt it could help others.
As soon as I understood my purpose was wrapped in something meaningful, my ego stepped aside and let me see possibilities I’d not truly considered such as self or indie publishing.
I turned that lesson in rejection into a university lecture and then into a book titled, DYING TO KNOW MYSELF IN TIME. Through this evolution I learned to seek a less traveled path better suited for my purpose. I researched the hell out of self publishing, set pieces in place and worked my own puzzle. And today, my story is out in the world, working its own magic in the healing of others, just as the writing of it did for me. The extraordinary gamble that creatives take in putting ourselves out there for others, is considerably more dangerous when carrying the most authentic version of yourself into the work. With no one to blame or praise other than ourselves, therein lies the greatest fear.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
Absolutely. Well, I’m a creative person, and a Gemini, therefore I feel constrained and adrift simultaneously. If I were a universe (and aren’t we all?) I’d likely dwell within that pulse of indescribable energy, pushing myself ever outward. The sun would play a starring role as my artistic self; shining on my days, steadying my rhythm and holding the pieces (planets) of me in place despite being afloat in a dark vast void of endless possibility. Creativity is its own sort of gravity, and I feel pulled artistically into most areas of my work and living and I see life through that lens often traveling at lightspeed to a new idea. That creativity carries into my relationships, family and home life and my work in the community- my wedding vows even pledged to bring imagination to my marriage! I take a promise like that seriously. Creativity is no joke and every reason for levity.
To continue the metaphor, writing is the main vehicle for my artistry, and with the fuel of fascination I’ve landed on a variety of surfaces. I work to dig beneath; poetry, opinion, research, photography, documentary, marketing, memoir, fiction and nonfiction. Though I’ve always written, for years my lack of confidence and focus hadn’t allowed me to consider myself a writer, because life’s inertia was driving me around in other vehicles (parenting, event planning, campaigning, volunteering…). As a constructivist, I know those experiences only added to my depth of exploration.
Still, my newfound energy had found momentum and by the time I was in final edits for MET THE END, I was also becoming an independent press, creating and managing brands, leading committees and events, ghost writing, conducting writing workshops and setting up speaking engagements; my universe was expanding and I found that many of my planets had life on them.
Days when I am not on task, I’ll invent storylines, build out a narrative, dabble in drawing, invent a brand and create a full website with merch behind it. I might then outline a workshop curriculum, pump out an op-ed, photograph a scene, relay a history, bridge a divide or dig into societal pressures. I don’t often get stuck because I always seem to have new things flowing which I try to tap into and see through.
With fifty plus years behind me, I have realized that being a public speaker, author, poet, designer, manager, activist, nonprofit volunteer, documentarian and family ringleader can all go hand in hand. I’ve become the sum of my many parts which I believe equates to my most authentic self and that seems to translate well to my readers, friends and listeners.
Poetry is also a huge part of my work and this February, I launched my debut poetry collection, Inverse; Informed Thoughts By an Unfit Poet, and my next full length collection, Tilt A World, will be released in January 2024. Building community among writers and poets has been so important and I enjoy time with poets whether I’m attending, supporting and being featured for readings. Amid poetics I currently have several works in progress, two fiction novels and a nonfiction piece which requires a great deal of research (I adore research) and will take quite a while. Additionally I write talks, contributor pieces and work on some travel pieces- building out a new concept for those with my family.
In my community I sit on several nonprofit arts, education and history boards with a focus on social justice, creating awareness and more equitable conditions. I value my place in that imperative work and draw great reward in doing so. However, I’d have to say I’m most proud of the years I spent pouring my soul onto the page, culminating in my first book, MET THE END. This nonfiction, true-crime survival memoir shares my dad’s life with readers, not just the sensation of his death. True crime as a genre is a hot topic, but when murder touches your family, the scars run deep. The vulnerability of my writing transformed me and I have to credit my sixteen year old self for knowing it would take time to fulfill the promise of a story I always needed to write. Trauma takes years to understand and healing takes time and intention. Now I speak to others about the power of grief, guilt and shame on our untold stories and the liberty that comes from sharing them. This work feels bound to my purpose and when I am in conversation with a group, and people come up to me afterwards evaluating their own pain and trauma, I know I am on the right path. Aside from organizations and universities, I’ll be presenting in Las Vegas next summer at Parents of Murdered Children (POMC- a support group for victims of homicide) at their national conference and I’m available to speak for any organizations that would benefit from my experience or perspectives.
Have any books or other resources had a big impact on you?
As a writer, you simply have to be a reader and I believe that each spine I open holds a key to some piece of my heart or mind I’ve yet to unlock. Magical, the gift of reading. It allows me to walk in someone’s shoes, exposed to worlds, ideas and experiences I’d otherwise not understand. Books are the closest thing to time travel we have, allowing us insight into our past and future selves and opportunities. It’s difficult to understand the one-sided narrowmindedness of banning books. If we all banned each others’ seminal books, where would that get us? Let individuals decide what to read! Let Freedom Read! This is the American Library Association’s theme this year and I strongly encourage and support reading. Whether considering my profession, historical studies, escapism, cultural understanding, philosophy, context or entrepreneurship, I’ve always turned to the words of others to inform my next steps.
So, yes, I have a few (hundreds) of books that have mattered to me on countless levels. Authors such as Simone de Beauvoir, Maya Angelou, Gloria Steinem, James Baldwin, Charlotte Brontë are standouts, and I adore digging into anything by Erik Larson, Clint Smith, historians such as Doris Kearns Goodwin and David McCullough, and Kate Atkinson, Anthony Doerr, Kristen Hannah and Julie Orringer.
In no particular order and at some cost to narrow the list, these are some pivotal books from my life:
Poverty, by America by Matthew Desmond
Animal Farm by George Orwell
4000 weeks Oliver Burkeman
Bird by Bird Anne Lamott
Atomic habits Jake’s Klear
Big Magic Elizabeth Gilbert
The Forest for the Trees by Betsy Lerner
Farenheit 451 Ray Bradbury
The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz
Dance with Anger by Dr. Harriet Lerner
Women who run with wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
The Alchemist by Paulo Cohelo
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
Alice Walker, Possessing the Secret of Joy
Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich
James Baldwin’s The Fire Next Time
Create Dangerously by Albert Camus
And some books that stay with me…
The Alienist by Caleb Carr
House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
When Rabbit Howls was so haunting and psychologically fascinating, by Truddi Chase
Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Marcus Zusak’s The Book Thief
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi
Barbara Kingsolver’s Poisonwood Bible
Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd
Ishmael Beah -A Long Way Gone
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
The Millionaire’s Unit by Marc Wortman
Joan Of Arc by Samuel Clemens
So many more…and I return to the poetry of Rumi, June Jordan, Mary Oliver, Ocean Vuong, Maya Angelou and am really enjoying Ada Limon and Richard Blanco’s work.
Apologies for the profuse list…how can I only choose a few?
In my case, family trauma led me away from completing higher education, which can often be the case for those of us overcoming tragedy. Therefore, my continuing education came from being a voracious reader. Historical fiction, nonfiction, fiction and poetry, not to mention countless articles, papers and columns have provided unique perspectives around success and achievement and I’ve gained a great deal from understanding the psychological components of hardiness, resilience and behavior. Lesser known histories, untold stories, widen the lens of what has been and will be. And there are some self-help/motivational books about reshaping life, broadening perceptions or overcoming hardship that will especially speak to me. And, of course I read about craft, and I learn by reading a variety of writers and with every editor revision. And travel! Travel is a wonderful teacher and I’m a grateful student.
So yes, books are my resources and have certainly carried me far. And I have a brother-in-law and good friends who are authors and I have the good fortune of communing with the work of many Ohio writers and poets and am grateful for the leadership of Cincinnati Poet Laureates Yalie Saweda Kamara, Manuel Iris and Kari Gunter-Seymore.
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
Resilience. This life certainly warrants it. I think we each have instances where despite failure, mishap or health, we’ve rebounded, reframed, and come back stronger. I’ll pull from a story from my teenage years to illustrate such an instance in my life, which I wrote about in DYING TO KNOW MYSELF IN TIME. I was fifteen and at a summer white water rafting camp and we teens were taught on land how to manage paddling in the water. We were on the Youghigheny River in Pennsylvania and the water was cold, below forty degrees. Four of us were in a boat, without a counselor and therefore, the last boat in the group. As we came up on a rapid around Dimples Rock, a notoriously difficult turn, we simply didnt have the skills to turn the boat hard enough and our raft lurched up and flopped back, wedging itself between the rocks with me trapped beneath it.
At the time, my dad was back home, injured and lying in a coma. It was an awful summer filled with concern and hospital visits, but our mom had already signed my sister and thought it would do us good to be gone for a few days. My sister, in a boat downstream, was watching helplessly as all the rafters floated free except for me. Trapped, I fought against the boat and the forceful water trying to find a way to come up or loosen the boat to no avail. And soon, as I realized I might die, my mother’s face and the terrible sadness that my death would heap upon her sunk my heart. I’d been under for more than a minute and had begun to suck in involuntary mouthfuls of river.
Resigned to what I could not change, my short life and a deep sadness passed through my mind. And just then, the boat lodged free and I sprang forth coughing and gasping and half blind with fear and elation. A preserver was tossed from shore and I was pulled to safety.
I was alive and I felt the gift of it. The rest of the campers and counselors would need to get in the boats to get on with the trip and meet the bus. It was determined that when rested, I would be walking with a counselor to a van nearby. Everyone understood that this near death instance was worthy of fear, so they banked on it, assuming that fear would prevent me from ever getting in another boat. I considered that. I knew there was no shame in it, but I didn’t want to be ruled by my fear. I was alive. I got back in the boat.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.hollybriansragusa.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mothergusa/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HBRWrites
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/holly-brians-ragusa-91b0413b/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/hbrag
- Other: @[email protected]
Image Credits
Michelle Abernathy Deej Ragusa