We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jessica Pantoja a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Jessica, appreciate you joining us today. We’d love to hear about a project that you’ve worked on that’s meant a lot to you.

Most of the projects I have worked on have been meaningful for me in one way or another. Each project has its appeal, which is why I decide to take them. Many variables represent meaning to me, which I consider to choosing a job. I prefer to pass on the offer if I don’t find a challenge or a moral reward. The appeal could be working on a big-budget production meant for theatrical releases, like No Porque Me Enamoro, working with an international institution like VOUGE and different celebrities in Beauty Secrets, just having fun while making comedy content with friends at an Adobe Conference, or something mega powerful like working with the Elizabeth Taylor’s foundation and helping individuals with HIV spread their stories to destigmatize the infection and document the first PRIDE parade in Jackson Mississippi.

I consider myself lucky to be a working professional in this industry, so each project means a lot to me because I get to do what I love: tell visual stories and connect people through them. As I mentioned before, I need to find some reward for each opportunity. But I sincerely prefer those where I create more complex designs for my cinematography or document a powerful true story. In the past few years, I did restructure my priorities as I needed to remember how to enjoy myself and started to like the industry again. Therefore, I decided I wouldn’t take jobs just for taking jobs. Each project has to mean something to me so that I would find meaning and purpose, and an imperative non-negotiable is that I get to spend time with people I want o be around.

Jessica, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

I am a Cinematographer based in LA, and my path to get here has not been straight. My career and personal story have resulted from many situations that pointed me in the right direction.

I was born and raised in Queretaro, Mexico. A big city now, but back then, a small town with a very conservative culture. I never really fit in, as I was a Queer child discovering myself while challenging the definition of femininity and questioning the role society had assigned me. This sometimes challenged the heteronormative circle I lived in, and to say the least, it was not easy for me just to be me. I also have ADHD, which I was unaware of for most of my life as it was not common to be diagnosed during my childhood. This meant that learning at school was tough. Thankfully, my parents were present and gave me the confidence and self-love to keep pushing, remain true to myself, and find the tools that worked for me and helped me prosper. They helped me identify that reading and words were tough for me, and that visual l and nonverbal information were essential for my learning process. Documentaries and educational TV were always welcome in my household, feeding into curiosity for learning about all topics and the world beyond my city. I then promised that as soon as possible, I would leave to experience as much of the world as possible.

I wanted to be a marine biologist and document the oceans, but no ocean exists in the country’s middle. So I decided to study Science in Communication and focus on Documentary Media Production. During my first few years, I realized I was extremely good at everything that had to do with nonverbal communication, and it became my area of expertise. During my last college years, I discovered Cinematography and fell in love with it, but it intimidated me, so I was only fully immersed in it after a while. After graduating, I moved to Australia to work in an environmental non for profit, doing what I did best back then, hybrid media productions. But being in the same place every day for a 9-5 job felt dull. Therefore I decided to return to Mexico and learn as much as possible to lose the fear of Cinematography. I knew I could be good at it, but the task felt daunting, and I needed help figuring out where to begin. I contacted the only DP I knew back then from a volunteer job in a movie during my last summer in college. Being the lovely human he is, he mentored me and guided me to get acquainted with set protocols, the industry, and the people in it. I had to prove myself worthy to break the “Men Only” policy in the biggest rental company in Latin America so that I could be on set every day on big productions, work with the most capable people, and gain all the knowledge possible with the goal to later apply to the Cinematography program at AFI. I graduated in 2016, and I’ve been in the States working as a professional Cinematographer ever since.

Each person’s story is unique but relatable in one way or another, which is why I love documentary filmmaking. I am sure many other Cinematographers, specially gals, can relate to me. But I guess that my Science in Communication background and my neurodivergence make me singular as a person and, in consequence, as a DP. I approach everything differently (otherwise, I get bored) and give plenty of importance to treating each story I work on as an individual with a unique personality and building a visual language around it. But most importantly, my hunger for learning and curiosity for new experiences remains. So I do not settle just because I have achieved big goals. I keep setting new ones and challenging myself to venture into new directions that answer my childhood promise to experience as much from the world as possible.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

The answer to the question below will answer both.

Have you ever had to pivot?

I can’t exactly put into a sentence what the “Lesson” I had to unlearn is, but the following may help explain it. Bottom line, the educational system I attended back in Mexico programs you to strive for success and be on the top of the food chain. It’s a business school, and since one of my focuses was entrepreneurship, I learned to be utterly ambitious, adding to my already ambitious personality. Not totally bad, as I also gained a lot of confidence from this system, believing I can do anything I set myself to so long I give my all to my projects. My parents also taught me to work hard and give my best consistently, but on the contrary, they taught me that it doesn’t matter if you achieve your goal or not, so long you give your best. The outcome is not the most important thing, but giving it your all is what is indeed rewarding. You can always start again and try as many times as needed. But in the end, they, too, taught me that you should always strive for more.

These are great lessons and fantastic tools in life, but they can mislead you without wisdom. It was all good till I graduated from AFI. Then, I had to work my a*s off for years to meet all the criteria needed to apply for an Artist Visa and to keep it. This meant to work, work, work, regardless of the quality or human substance of the projects. I needed money to pay the remarkably expensive lawyer fees and the credits to make myself known to get bigger and better projects. I moved in a single direction, motivated to be at the top and constantly growing professionally. My career became my priority, and I started to neglect myself and my nature. I don’t care about prestige or fame. I don’t like or believe in hypocritical and machiavellian systems where relationships are prioritized and exist as long as they provide a societal benefit to those in them. I don’t care to work solely for money without passion and drive, yet I was doing it all. It was hard to admit that I lost track and somehow wasted my time by following my goals. It took the pandemic for me to realize I was unfulfilled because I was not too fond of the ways of the Hollywood industry, yet I was giving it my all, trying to succeed in it. I was contradicting myself, and I needed to understand in which ways to be able to re-curse in the right direction. It was hard to admit I wanted other things, mainly since I had dedicated so many resources already to something that wasn’t IT.

I questioned if I wanted to be a filmmaker, and I honestly can say I love my job and how I execute my specialty; of that, I am sure. But I am also certain I want to refrain from participating in productions or working with companies and individuals that do not add to my personal development. I also learned that giving my all to my professional growth kept me from becoming my best version, and the quality of my work started to reflect it as I put myself into each project.
I had to learn to be ok with dedicating my time and resources to other things without feeling guilty about saying no to opportunities that don’t make me feel right about myself, even if they would have professional rewards. I remembered goals and skills I’ve always wanted to acquire and set myself to pursue them, to incorporate them into my everyday life and work if possible so that I am constantly involved in projects I want to develop and where I achieve my personal goals.

Basically, I had to learn that it is ok to let things go, even if you have worked hard and long for them. I have to check on myself every so often to ensure I am still in contact with my true self and moving in a direction that feels right. And to redirect every time and as many times as necessary without feeling guilt. By this, I am not saying I have become a quitter because that means not even trying. But instead, set shorter milestones on my way to achieving greater goals to allow myself to check in and have an honest conversation with myself.       

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.jessicapantoja.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jl_pantoja/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessica-pantoja-22ab2a30/

Image Credits
Ante Cheng, Sampayo Photography,