We were lucky to catch up with Vanessa Freeman recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Vanessa, thanks for joining us today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
When I set out to become a psychologist, my plan was to work in higher education until I retired. Most of my experience has been working within the higher education system and I truly enjoyed working with college students as they figure out who they want to be in this world. I was especially excited to land my first job out of my doctoral program working to specifically support African American and Black students on a predominantly white campus. I saw this as an opportunity to support my community since I know first hand how difficult it can be to attend a predominantly white institution as a Black person. Unfortunately, that experience became toxic and unsustainable due to the push back myself and my colleagues of color received from some of the white staff when we began challenging some aspects of the culture they had created. It was at this time that I knew I had to make a change in order to protect my sanity and my overall health. I never imagined that I would open my own private practice, but that is exactly what I did. I had no idea what I was doing or even if it would work. But I knew that if I stayed where I was, or even when to another institution with the same issues, I would not be okay. Remember, I always imagined my career being in higher education so to realize that this was not going to be the case was difficult. I am so grateful that I had the courage, and support from friends and family, to take the leap because the work I am doing now is so much more fulfilling and my overall well-being has improved.
Vanessa, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
I think I always knew that I wanted to help others. I just did not know what that would look like in practice. I was always the friend that people would come to for advice and I tended to want to take care of others. After a couple of twists and turns academically, I ended up deciding that I wanted to become a psychologist. This felt like an impossible task since my parents did not go to college and I never imagined I would do anything beyond graduate from college. I worked in higher education for almost a decade helping college students find their way and found this work to be fulfilling. I struggled a lot in college and wanted to be someone that students could look to for support if they were struggling too. After leaving a toxic work environment and going into private practice, I now serve Black women who are trying to figure out how to navigate a world that is not set up for us to thrive. I help Black women in particular see that their life does not have to only include being the “Strong Black woman”. That we can access ease, joy, rest, pleasure, vulnerability, and softness as a way to push back against oppressive systems. I think something that my clients appreciate about the way I work is that I am willing to talk about the larger systems that impact how we see ourselves as Black women and help them challenge internalized racism and sexism to live a more authentic life. I know from my own experience navigating spaces where I was one of one, one of two, or one of a few just how draining it can be to show up everyday in spaces that do not make space for you to be who you truly are. I want for us (Black women) to be able to reclaim our right to exist as we are without code switching, without feeling like we have to show up for everyone at the expense of ourselves. This is work that I am excited to do and proud to put out into the world.
Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?
This is a lesson I am still actively trying to unlearn. It’s that you need to be able to ask for help and be open to receiving help. This applies both personally and professionally. I grew up thinking that if you could not accomplish a task on your own you did not work hard enough. That messaging came from the larger society i.e. pull yourself up by your bootstraps, just work hard and you will succeed, etc. which I now know is an arm of the many systems of oppression we exist in. I really thought that asking for help made me weak. I now know that no one gets anywhere on their own no matter how much external voices try to convince us otherwise. There is nothing weak or wrong with asking for help because the reality is that we don’t know everything and we can’t do everything ourselves. I have learned to apply this personally with asking friends and family for support when I need it. Paying for things to be convenient (which is certainly a privilege that not everyone has) and saying no when things don’t align with what I have the capacity for. In my business I also had to realize that I am not trained to be an accountant or a marketing manager so these are things that I need to hire other people for. There is still a part of me that wishes I could do it all myself, but I realize that that hurts me in the end and makes it so that I can’t focus on what I am here to do which is help others.
Can you tell us about what’s worked well for you in terms of growing your clientele?
Being authentic. Showing up as myself as much as I can in the spaces that I occupy. I have learned that performing some version of what you think others want is not going to get you connected to the people that you actually want to work with. Also, people will just not connect with you in the same way because they can sense that you are being disingenuous. I know that the folks I gravitate towards are people who you feel like you could talk to while having coffee or in line at the grocery store. Obviously that doesn’t mean you air your dirty laundry out on social media or with your clients, but I do think it means you show your humanity. You show your imperfections, your opinions, your perspective. This has helped me connect with clients that are the right fit for me and the work that I do because they know what they are getting from the moment I open my mouth.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.searchingforselfcounseling.com and www.coachingwithvanessa.org
- Instagram: dr.vfrifree