We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Melissa Farrell Ortiz a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Melissa, thanks for joining us today. We’d love to hear the backstory behind a risk you’ve taken – whether big or small, walk us through what it was like and how it ultimately turned out.
I am someone who until more recently lived most of my life in a very calculated and predictable way, always looking for a sense of control and stability that I often didn’t find in my childhood. Growing up, like so many others, I had a home that was often influenced by the effects of problematic mental health issues and substance use. In the first 3 years of my life, progressively I lived with my parents, in foster care and in a halfway house with my mother. When I was 3 years old, I became a big sister (and again at 7) and finally reunited with both of my parents, as a family. Being the oldest of my siblings I felt a sense of responsibility for their wellbeing and often this extended to my parents as well. I made sure I was a straight A student, didn’t get in any trouble, helped others and did everything “just right” all while trying to stay a step ahead of everyone else to mitigate whatever unpredictability was coming my way.
My family moved in my later High School Years to a very different way of life. I had grown up in a small city setting in a tight knit community where literally “everyone knew your name.” Where my parents lacked due to their own struggles, I was able to find support and encouragement in teachers, neighbors, friends’ parents, etc. When we moved to a large shore town, completely out of my element, despite my best efforts to fit in, I did not. I experienced complete culture shock and lost the safety net of my support system. I began to experience increased anxiety and now bouts of depression. My parents found it hard to support me as they continued to struggle with their own mental health challenges and ongoing addictions. As a once straight A student, I ended up dropping out of High School due to the pressure and inability to focus and thrive academically and socially. As the once “smart kid who could accomplish anything” identity was now seeming to crash down I felt alone, defeated, and out of control.
I ended up pursuing my GED and over a long almost decade found myself in and out of college courses often abandoning my education to “put out another family fire” or struggling with my own mental health challenges. At the age of 18 I began working for a nonprofit that helped at risk youth and their families in the community. I found that I was able to find a purpose in this work and I excelled quickly and consistently. I would spend 20 years of my life working at this nonprofit meeting the most amazing humans who served as testaments to surviving and thriving despite difficult life circumstances.
After losing both of my parents in less than a year at the age of 28 and now having my own children I felt the pull to fulfill more of my potential and create a greater safety net for my own family in terms of my career and financial security. I chose to leave the shelter of the agency I loved to finally pursue my post-secondary education with a never before commitment and importance without abandoning it because of “life.”
I completed my bachelor’s degree in a full-time intensive program while continuing to work and while maintaining the oh so important role of being a mother to growing children. Upon graduating I entered into the Masters of Social Work program at Rutgers University School of Social Work, a competitive and intense program. In my Masters Program I took a full-time course load, a 3 full day a week internship and again, continued to work throughout to support my family. In my final year of my program, I got pregnant with my youngest; this did not stop me, even when my growing belly would no longer fit in the classroom desk or morning sickness challenged me to stay present during client meetings at the psychiatric hospital I was interning at.
I remember receiving my Masters Degree and crying with pride thinking about how I felt so lost when I dropped out of High School and unsure what would become of me “and all of my potential.” Now, all 3 of my children (my absolute greatest accomplishments) would witness their mother persevere and hustle to reach her goals.
I went on to obtain multiple levels of licensure that required many hours and the passing of two fear inducing exams. Each time I leveled up I remembered the day that I signed myself out of High School without my parents stopping me and the shame that I felt. As the years went on the shame transformed into empathy for the younger version of myself that needed love, guidance and acceptance.
In 2020 I opened my own business, Leading Light Counseling and Consulting. I had no idea we would be entering into a worldwide pandemic. It felt risky enough to actually be on my own and now I had left the security of collecting a paycheck from an employer to being completely responsible for my own success…in the middle of a pandemic. With each month my practice grew, and new ideas and opportunities continued to flow to me.
Today, I continue to be the proud owner of the same practice, but we have grown into a group practice and have worked with hundreds of individuals, helping them improve their lives, reconnect to themselves, recognize their potential and thrive. I employ other powerful women who have the same gift to strive and help others. I am so blessed to be walking this path.
To date the greatest gift of this risk taking has been my own personal growth and development. With each risk, success and lesson, I have grown to trust in myself. I have connected with the power that has always been within me. I no longer fear the future, just the opposite, I am quite excited about what it holds.
Melissa, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
My name is Melissa Farrell Ortiz and I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I spent most of my career working with youth involved in the Juvenile Justice System and training other professionals on how to effectively work with this population. Currently I am the owner of a group private practice, Leading Light Counseling and Consulting. We provide mental health counseling to people of all ages as well as consult on several projects. We deliver service in the person, online and in the communities we serve. One of the things that I am most proud of is being able to cultivate a team of highly skilled passionate clinicians who provide services in a very real and non threatening way. We are all humans and can all use extra support! We are a creative team always looking for ways to serve the people we work with and expanding our reach. Our most recent project is providing one day retreats for creatives, geared towards helping them find their creative flow, creating community, increasing confidence and goal setting for their careers and hobbies. I love being able to have the ability to provide outside of the box services rather than “traditional psychotherapy” because healing happens in all sorts of ways!
Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?
To be in the field of helping others it is important that we embark on the journey of knowing ourselves and loving our selves. I believe this is imperative. How can we know how to help others or respect their journeys if we haven’t done the work ourselves? Self discovery requires compassion for ourselves and a commitment to truth seeking even when it is difficult. We must engage in self care and I am not just talking about bubble baths and days at a spa, although those are great! Self care is really about treating ourselves kindly, to tend to all of our needs, and committing to live a full life. I often ask people to identify what they enjoyed as a child and to do more of that! In our childhood we often do what feels good, is fun, lights us up. We tend to shy away from those things as adult life sets in and our passions are replaced with to do lists. If you want a successful career in helping others we must model the best way to care for ourselves. It will cultivate resiliency and compassion; something that you cannot do this work without.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
A lesson I needed to unlearn was not having to be perfect to be successful. As someone who once sat in front of their children for getting a B on a research paper in grad school with tears running down my face while preaching to them that their best was good enough, this is a lesson that I am glad to have unlearned. Once I let go of the need to be perfect and to treat myself with grace and compassion I opened the door to more opportunity, fulfillment, and abundance. We cannot be hypocrites, preaching to others that their best is enough but holding ourselves to a much higher and often unattainable standard. My own therapist often would say “done is better than perfect”; this saying used to make me cringe, now I feel the freedom in what this means.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.leadinglightcounselingnj.
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Image Credits
Christopher Collado (in office picture)