We recently connected with Michelle Vande Hey and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Michelle, thanks for joining us today. We’d love to hear the backstory behind a risk you’ve taken – whether big or small, walk us through what it was like and how it ultimately turned out.

One of the biggest risks I have taken is to share publicly on social media that I am an intersex person.

I want to start by saying that I am not an expert on intersex and have only recently done more research myself because I was ignoring this part of me for so long. I recommend learning more here: https://interactadvocates.org/

Intersex is an umbrella term for differences in sex traits or reproductive anatomy. Intersex people are born with these differences or develop them in childhood. There are many possible differences in genitalia, hormones, internal anatomy, or chromosomes, compared to the usual two ways that human bodies develop.

Some intersex traits are noticed at birth. Others don’t show up until puberty or later in life. Intersex people often face shame—or are forced or coerced into changing their bodies, usually at a very young age. Most surgeries to change intersex traits happen in infancy.

I learned of my intersex variation as a teenager and at the time, the internet was still young and we couldn’t just google it or look for an online support group, so I did what I was told to do. Not talk about it.

So I had a surgery and lied to everyone about it except my 3 closest friends and really didn’t talk about it with anyone after that. I focused on playing volleyball. A sport that I loved playing and still love today. Volleyball was something that celebrated my body, created a community of life-long friends, and gave me opportunities that I wouldn’t have taken otherwise. I earned a scholarship to play Division 2 volleyball. Something I never dreamed of when I started playing in 7th grade.

Volleyball allowed me to meet people and become friends with people from all over the world. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Entrepreneurship and Business Management and I got to experience life outside of my hometown because of volleyball.

Why is this relevant and why did I decide at the age of 37 to publicly share this very private detail about me that I didn’t owe to anyone?

Because of Lia Thomas. The first transgender woman to win a Division 1 National Championship as a Women’s Swimmer at Penn State.

I had been seeing post after post, comment after comment tearing my heart apart with all of the hatred that people felt for this amazing athlete. Then there was a certain picture of Lia Thomas diving into the pool alongside her competitors and above all of the competitors’ heads was an XX and above Lia’s head was an XY with the title “Keep biological males out of women’s sports.” This stopped me in my tracks and I knew I couldn’t stay silent anymore.

Although transgender and intersex are not the same things, there was one thing I had in common with Lia Thomas. We both had XY chromosomes (typical for people assigned male at birth) and we were both women collegiate athletes. And if I deserved to be there, why didn’t she?

This was the scariest post I’ve ever made on social media. Not only sharing something very private but also taking a stand on social justice issues. Doing this allowed me to put all of myself into my business and my brand. More importantly, it helped me to feel free.

Michelle, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

I spent most of my life ignoring who I was after being told I was an intersex person at the age of 15. After the death of my son, James, almost 20 years later, I didn’t want to accept my new reality. I battled depression, anxiety, and PTSD. My suppressed childhood trauma was surfacing. My relationship with my living daughter was torn apart, I was binge eating to numb my pain, and felt completely lost with who I was and where my life was going.

I used nutrition and fitness to help me battle depression. Alongside therapy, I learned holistic methods to break through my blocks to healing. I also made meaningful connections built in a community that helped me realize my worth and I started to step into my personal power. This led me on an unexpected path where I now help folks identifying as women transform their lives from exhausted, uninspired, and just getting by in survival mode to inner peace, personal power, and purpose so they can live life with more freedom, joy, and meaning.

I founded Light of Love Coaching in February 2020 and am a Change Advocate, Empowerment Coach, and Speaker. My mission is to create a community of women identifying folks that have been told to hide who they really are their whole life to rediscover who they are by knowing their self-worth and embracing their spiritual gifts so they can be empowered to influence change for themselves and others around the world. Together we are co-creating a more inclusive, peaceful, and prosperous world for all.

I am a Certified Holistic Life Coach, Nutrition Coach, and Speaker. I have been featured in BRAVA Magazine and many podcasts. When I’m not coaching, you can find me making dance videos in my kitchen, biking to Pilates, getting lost in the woods, or running with the sunrise.

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

I have made many pivots in my business as far as who my ideal clients are. It’s been really helpful for me to have a community that can help guide me and give me a perspective from the outside in, instead of only my perspective of the inside out.

Are there any books, videos, essays or other resources that have significantly impacted your management and entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy?

Who Not How by Dan Sullivan changed my perspective on why hiring is so important and how to treat people you hire. We Should All Be Millionaires by Rachel Rodgers helped me step into being an advocate for change and knowing my worth.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://lightoflovecoaching.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michellevandehey/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/michelle.vandehey/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelle-vandehey/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkFuUkfdqoOz1hymW1P1nzA

Image Credits
Miriam Bulcher Photography for all my individual shots Taryn Marie Photography for my family picture