We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Estella Pan. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Estella below.

Hi Estella, thanks for joining us today. What’s the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?

The kindest thing anyone has and can do for me is to provide a judgment-free environment. I developed anxiety as an adult, as well as a pattern of overthinking everything. Words are very powerful and our brains cannot distinguish between positive or negative. Years of self-judgment snowballed into overthinking my every action and decision. I gradually began believing the things I was saying to myself, then doubting and not trusting myself. I became so afraid of being judged for my body image among other things, that I started judging myself more harshly than anyone ever judged me. Only recently have I realized the tremendous crippling hold this single factor has had on my life!! Even more startling is knowing that these were chains I put on myself. The good news is, it’s not too late to course correct – it’s a process to unlearn established habits, and I’m well on my way!

My best work comes from natural flow of inspiration. When I feel that sense of safety and stability, my creativity and wisdom shines through and comes pouring out. On the flip side, when I’m feeling anxious, I quickly become unfocused, causing me to feel stuck. I’ve collected a treasure trove of tools to help keep me moving forward and I love getting to help others to navigate through life’s challenges and overwhelming moments!

Estella, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

First and foremost, I’m a mommy to two senior Pomeranian boys named Monti and Finn (@therapypoms on IG). Putting my mommy hat aside, I’m also a podcaster and Self-Acceptance coach and mentor. I love cooking, classic country music and Victorian furniture.

My Finding Strength of Heart podcast and VIP signature mentorship program were birthed from my own journey through navigating various traumas and reorienting back to daily life, after being displaced multiple times. On March 3, 2020, one of ten tornadoes that hit middle Tennessee that night blew through my home. Between March and May, I moved four times, surviving two apartment floods, developing PTSD from someone trying to climb through my window at 3am and encountering several challenges while navigating the global pandemic as an immunocompromised individual!

In healing through my environmental traumas, deeply-suppressed ones that had previously gone unaddressed emerged to the surface. My healing journey is ongoing, with PTSD becoming more manageable and learning how to let go of beliefs and many unkind, demeaning and dismissive things that were said to me to me during my childhood and teenage years.

Having existed in survival mode for years, I gratefully find myself much more grounded these days and finding JOY in life once again! Whenever we experience trauma, we can lose our footing and all sense of security. As we try to dig our way out, we may internalize the idea that we must have deserved the traumas that happened to us. The heartbeat of my message is no one else gets to define your self-worth and what your life looks like…. except you! Self-worth comes from within us. No one else can give it to us OR take it away from us. In moments when you feel like you’re drowning in a sea of overwhelm, I can gently lead you back onto solid ground and together, we’ll get you back in the driver’s seat of YOUR life!

Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?

I used to be the gal who always had a plan, a backup plan and a backup plan for the backup plan. In my twenties, I began creating a security blanket to navigate my intense fear of being judged. As a country music journalist and podcaster, I’d write my list of questions as well as general comments I wanted to relay to guests I was preparing to interview. I diligently wrote out detailed notes for workshops I was leading. For sessions with my coaches and therapist, I brought a list of topics I wanted to discuss or questions I had. I loved the comfort of having that security blanket but I started to realize that I couldn’t fully relax enough to have fun during these incredible moments, because it became more about making sure I said everything on my list. In times when I skipped over something I had written down, I’d immediately pile on massive guilt.

This year, I have been on a mission to invite more JOY into my life with the intention to be fully present. In October, I signed a new client. We started our discussion around boundaries. Early on in our sessions, it dawned on me that she already has a solid understanding about setting and communicating them. My notes were no longer relevant, because what she needed most was a built in support system to help create a roadmap for her daily and business goals with someone to hold her accountable for each action step! I heard a little voice whisper, “Ditch the notes and offer her the support she needs!” Our discussion evolved organically into a conversation that left us both feeling inspired, motivated, joyful and excited for the next call! Since, we have enjoyed sharing our daily wins with each other. This is my favorite thing about my mentorship program! I’ve been thanked for uplifting, inspiring and motivating people and I couldn’t be more grateful that this beautiful pivot will create more intentional opportunities for me to do just that!

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

For most of my adult life, I believed that I had really terrible instincts, especially when it came to decision making. Furthermore, if something took longer to come into fruition than I was expecting, I’d default to thoughts to the tune of, “What am I doing wrong?” or “Why is it that everyone else seems to be figuring it out but I can’t?” and immediately create a self-inflicted avalanche of guilt, anxiety and overwhelming stress.

Beginning at age six for over ten years, I was bullied relentlessly, frequently dismissed or blatantly disregarded. Whenever I’d get excited about a new dream, project or later, career opportunity, the celebrations would be short-lived because there were always people who projected negativity over my creative and intuitive spirit! So… I shut down. I stopped trying to speak up or stand up for myself because to me, that was worse than doing so only to be rejected or completely ignored. I became an adult with high-functioning anxiety. who people-pleased my way through life in order to keep the peace during conflicts and confrontations.

As I’ve healed many of these wounds, I’m now focused on finding evidence showing how intuitive, creative and empathetic I actually am!

Contact Info:

• Website: http://www.findingstrengthofheart.com
• Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/findingstrengthofheart
• Facebook: http://www.fb.com/findingstrengthofheart
• Other: Listen to Finding Strength of Heart on your favorite podcast app! APPLE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/finding-strength-of-heart/id1551681460 SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/3ESNSqkC5RnnpAaTZYQcmz iHEART RADIO: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-finding-strength-of-heart-92226872/

Image Credits
Headshot photo by Palsa Photography. Finding Strength of Heart logo and banner design by Douglas B Design