Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Kimberly McDowell. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Kimberly, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Let’s kick things off with your mission – what is it and what’s the story behind why it’s your mission?
I’m a 46 year-old wife and mother of two and have a creative sweet tooth for all the beautiful things. I’ve dabbled in an array of different things but the two that are taking up most of my time is Soapmaking and Event Planning. I have always been intrigued with the beauty of individual parts that come together to make a whole and how I can save money in the process. Not to skimp on quality, but to remove the middle-man and save costs. This was especially useful during the pandemic. As time goes on and your life changes, especially as a mother, you tend to have less time and money that actually go towards doing something for yourself. We are the nurturers and usually give before we receive. My soapmaking started as Me Time and a chance to be creative and make things for the people I love. Then I began getting a real education in it and the joy it brings is something I look forward to with each new project or idea. My goal was to create a little peace of heaven that any person could afford. I wanted something that anyone could see themselves being able to enjoy.
Kimberly, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
I am Kimberly McDowell, The Gracious Hostess. I’m a creative at heart and I love to see/make people happy and feel good about themselves. I have a line of artisan soaps and other body products that I sell on my website www.thegracioushostess.com. I got into this arena back in 2018 when I used to make products just for my family and as Christmas gifts for my co-workers. It was love at first sight and I still love it today but now I take it much more seriously. In 2021 a classmate/friend of mine said ” I would buy this stuff if you sold it!” and that’s when I officially began selling the items on my website. I certainly enjoy the creative process of making the products and picking out packaging and how my treats are presented to others, but the most heart-warming part of this whole process is receiving customer feedback. My goodness there’s nothing like it. I just love to see others enjoying something I made with my own two hands. That’s what I’m most proud of. I wanted to create something that was not only beautiful but affordable, especially during times when money and time is scarce. I wanted it to make people feel special.
Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?
When I began working my “side hustles” as we like to call it, I wrote a blog post about 10 things I learned and hope in the hopes that it helps someone.
1. You Will Not Always Make Money.
You start your business and you’re rearing to go on this journey of making money doing something you love. The quickest lesson I learned was that it takes money to make money. Supplies, photo shoots, branding, websites, any professional advice will cost money. You have to expect to invest in your business first before anyone else will. Then you get your first client, they only want to pay $100 for something you know will cost $500. You don’t want to turn down the chance to get your name out there so what do you do? You supplement their budget for the sake of your name and reputation. How I handled this: I learned to be upfront and honest with clients about expectations or I turn down the job. I really put this into effect in 2017. I also began to purchase my supplies in bulk during sales and not just when I had a job. This way you can begin to stockpile for any upcoming events, especially those with smaller budgets.
2. Stop Working for Free!
With your new-found inspiration you will want to work just for the sake of doing what you love. You quickly will find yourself on the endless ride to FAVOR Land. If you have a good heart and also love doing what you do, you often will accept those “can you do me a favor” calls and they will consume you. How I handled this: I must admit, I have my favorites and when God places it on my heart to give a freebee, I always will. For all those others, you will have to put your foot down at some point or another and during your discussions you will want to put the cost out there first so there are no misunderstandings. What you will find is no follow-up calls and that’s not always a bad thing. You put work, time, money, and effort into perfecting your craft. Stop giving it away for free.
3. It’s OK to Say No!
The No theory comes shortly after the lessons you should have learned in #1 and #2. It is ok to tell clients that this venture would not be feasible for you and stick to that decision. This is how you weed out the clients that want “a deal”. I once saw a quote that says, “if it costs you your peace, then it’s too expensive” and I believe whole heartedly in this phrase. In my experience when I would take on something I knew there was not enough budget for I ended up stressing for days about what I could do to help, I lost sleep, and sometimes I would burst into tears at the sheer pressure of it all. How I handled this: Once I realized the after effects of this type pressure and what it was doing to my family as well, I learned to say no.
4. Be Ready for Push Back from Those Close to You!
Now that you have this creatively fulfilling added dimension to your life that includes late nights, stressful outbursts, no free time and exhaustion, how are your folks handling this? Let me tell you, not well. Your family and friends love you and will not always love to see you in this stressed out state of being. Plus! You now have no time for them. And if you’re Successful? OMG! You never will have time for them if you don’t sprinkle in some balance. How I handled this: I learned to not bite off more than I can chew. I learned to schedule work days and dedicate other days to my family and friends. This still is a work in progress because I’m blessed with soooo many that love me but at least I’m working towards better.
5. Those Closest to You Will Not Always Speak Your Language.
You will often feel like you are on an island all by yourself, especially if you live in a household of non-creatives. Upon closer observation, this is the best group of people to brainstorm with. My husband’s and sons’ opinions are vital in most of what I do. They bring me back to earth and help me connect with how normal people think when I get too far off into the clouds. My sister and niece, although more creative than my boys are, do the same thing. They check me with a “side-eye” when I’m on 10 and I am often on 10. However, it still feels lonely at times and you will feel like they don’t understand you. How I handled this: You have to find your people, your creative tribe! This is where Facebook and Instagram Rock!! You can connect with local people and tons of others who are like minded. I actually need that. Often.
6. You Will Compare Yourself to Others Even Though You Shouldn’t.
Time and time again we hear that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others but guess what? We do it anyway over and over again. Social Media is a two-edged sword. It is wonderful for displaying whatever angle you want to portray because you can edit and put your best content out there, on the flip side, so can other people. It’s easy to get caught up in that whole “Grass is Greener” spiral because we are human, and we are knee deep in a world of constant comparison. How I handled this: This is a daily struggle for me, but I have learned to build my own confidence and ask the real questions of myself like – What am I really upset about? Do I feel I’m working hard enough? Is this striking a cord of mediocrity in myself? Once you ask the important questions you will find that there is no comparison. We are all different and create in different ways. You have to learn to love you and what you do on a daily basis. Now I do things because I love them and not because I am trying to “one-up” the next person.
7. There Will Be Extreme Periods of Drought.
You have to brace yourself for those times of drought!!! When there are no phone calls or email requests and you are stuck twiddling your thumbs. The first thing we think of is I’m not making any money!! You will question your worth, am I priced too high? Am I not hustling enough? All that negative self-talk will come creeping in. Turn it around! A drought is not always a bad thing. How I handled this: I use this time wisely and sharpen my skills through a book or class, organize my inventory, look at new ideas and projects I want to do, evaluate where I am and if I want to make changes in my hustle, or just spend quality time with my people. Use this break as your rebuilding period and block out that negative self-talk.
8. You Will Not Always Feel Inspired.
Back when I was doing hair, my sister Donnica was often my guinea pig. I would say “Donnica, I feel inspired! Let’s do some hair!” She would JUMP in the chair eager for the experience because she and I both knew I would create something special. Anything done with love is done right. The same goes for creativity. You don’t always feel inspired. You won’t always wake up with the draft in your head ready to work. This takes time. Sometimes when the inspiration wave comes I would ride it until the wheels fall off! This is where your best work comes from. Creatives need that flexibility to move and think and brainstorm but we all know it doesn’t always work like that. You have clients and their requests that don’t always line up with yours, there are deadlines and boundaries everywhere. Boundaries are kryptonite to creatives. How I handled this: When I’m not feeling inspired I go to all my favorite websites and browse to look at the beautiful pictures. All you need is a spark sometimes. Pinterest is a lifesaver!! It allows me to save all those great ideas for when I need inspiration again. When it comes to parties, I tend to plan my own party to showcase any off the wall idea I may have that clients don’t naturally go for. What this does is remove the boundaries for me and I love that.
9. If You Love It the Experience Will Make You Better.
The side hustle is similar to a relationship. If the relationship is worth having you will put in the work to keep it afloat. It’s an endless cycle of building, compromise, self-reflection, and rebuilding. If it’s worth it to you, you will put in the work and it will make you better day by day. On the other hand, this will teach you pretty quickly what you’re made of and let’s face it, sometimes the things we want don’t always want us. You have to make the decision to move on to something that works better for you. The goal is to keep moving and learning. How I handled this: I’ve just recently began blogging, this was a result of my cycle of building, compromise, self-reflection, and rebuilding. This has helped me get in tune with what I really love about myself and the creative work I do and I’m happier for it.
10. You Will Learn to Build A Thicker Skin Because Rejection Is Real.
If I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned to humble myself because of what I do. Your feelings will be hurt more times than you can count. Clients won’t always choose you, you will not always get a thank you, sometimes they will turn their nose up at your vision, sometimes you will not produce the vision you had in your head. Its ok. You don’t want this to happen, but this is the part that really teaches you something. It helps you make better, wiser decisions and learn to handle rejection gracefully. How I handled this: I’ve experienced this more times than I would like to mention, and I go have a pity party. I cry about it, talk trash with my people about it, reflect, make changes, and move on. Don’t deny yourself that time to go through it. You need that time to truly heal from it. Now my motto is “I’m like beer, an acquired taste” not everyone will love me or what I do and that is quite alright.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
The lessons are endless! The major two are that you will not be making money constantly, there will not be someone buying products or services everyday so you need to figure out what to do when that happens and how to make life decisions based on this. Another thing I had to unlearn is that you will not get the most support from those close to you, its not that they are not happy for you, they’re just not really that interested. You will need to know how to not be offended and not take it personally.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.thegracioushostess.com
- Instagram: @ksmthegracioushostess
- Facebook: Kimberly S. McDowell – The Gracious Hostess