We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Alyssa Citarella. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Alyssa below.
Hi Alyssa, thanks for joining us today. Was there an experience or lesson you learned at a previous job that’s benefited your career afterwards?
For a brief stint of time in a past life I worked in Italian markets – which is a poetic way for me to remember my 15 years climbing the supermarket ladder from cashier, to deli worker, to catering manager, to customer service lead, to bookkeeper, to assistant store manager – between the ages of 15 & 30. Aside from the many various skills, and the millions of day to day interactions with customers and coworkers – there is one particular experience that I will never forget, which changed how I handle setbacks, failures, and issues in my work to this day.
During a busy holiday weekend, a customer called the catering department to report they had received the wrong trays of food. The store was closing soon, and the chef had left for the night. I checked who had taken the order only to find my own name staring at me from the top of the paperwork. I immediately went to my manager, the owner of the store, and straight up said “hey, I fu**ed up, what do we do?” He stared at me blankly for a moment, processing probably, then burst out with “meet me in the walk-in” as he turned and raced away.
In that moment, I didn’t try to hide my mistake, I didn’t try to blame the customer for ordering the wrong thing (this was sometimes a defense tactic others used), and I didn’t dwell on “oh no I did something wrong”. There was an immediate shifting of gears. Put out the fire. What NOW?, was the question, not a useless What, How? The lesson learned was that you will never put out a fire by staring at it. There were plenty of instances prior to that one where I’d wasted much too much time trying to “figure out” how the order got messed up. In these moments however, none of that matters.
When I make any kind of mistake in my own business / creative projects , I’m always quick on my feet to take accountability and resolve the error – whether that’s getting to the yoga studio late when I have to unlock the doors, dealing with overheated wax, or things I might not even be responsible for. I’ve seen people turn to frustration, get lost in placing blame, and even go as far as to complain about circumstances-gone-awry. It’s never worth it. Check your ego as they say (and your existential dread) at the door. Make it right, and move on, as quickly as you can.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
My first creative passion was and is music. I took piano lessons at 8 years old, began learning how to play the bass guitar around 12, taking after my dad, and now many years later I am singing & songwriting for the first time in my life. In that realm, my hope is simply that what I share lyrically & sonically will reach those who need to hear it. Music is one of those things that can create a sense of connection that transcends time & space. It helps us feel less alone, and it helps us process the inner workings of our own minds.
What came next was yoga, which led me down the path of mindfulness. I’m a little jaded, I have to admit, when it comes to the practice, but regardless of my frustrations with modern interpretations, it’s still the thing that invigorates my spirituality time & time again. People often hear “yoga” and their brain pulls some file that depicts a usually thin, fit person, in some extreme bendy shape. Truth is, you probably shouldn’t even be touching your toes, and there is a lot of anatomical nuance that gets left out. I teach a weekly class where the goal is simple – cultivate mindfulness in body & mind. No fancy leggings required, and certainly no rules about where your limbs should go.
At some point in time everything swirled together and I found myself studying mindfulness, astronomy, & astrology, while penning poetry, making music, and crafting candles. That brings us to today. The term jack of all trades never feels like an accurate fit, no matter how many hats I continue to collect, because I whole heartedly believe there is something that interconnects all of these unique things.
With everything I do, providing a source of inspiration that can comfort the soul, uplift the spirit, or just help you tap into a moment of calm amidst the chaos is always the goal – and I offer that through all these very sensory things, from the songs, to the candles, to the practices, to more ‘everyday’ offerings like skygazing notes, astrology musings, & playlists for the seasons.
I’m most proud of myself for continuing to create even when it feels utterly useless , or that no one will care – the cliche most artists know all too well. But I’m also grateful for the sensitivity I have toward the world. I don’t think of new candle fragrances or new ideas for songs just because I want to produce something new – these ideas arrive from personal experiences, fleeting moments, and are more than anything just a way for me to feel more alive in my own body/mind. If it vibes with you, that’s incredible, and if not, that’s okay too. Maybe that sets me apart because I’m not necessarily trying to “achieve” anything outside of sharing inspiration, which feels weird to say out loud, and I always hope it won’y make me sound like I’m lacking ambition or something, because the truth is far from that!
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
Well, speaking of lessons, sometimes we need to use all the discernment we possess to make sense of what’s right for us. There are no absolutes, nor are there perfect formulas for anything, especially in the creative arts.
When I finally started to take my candle business, The Moon Den, seriously, I was inundated with “best practices”, “six step methods”, and the like, for growing an audience / increasing sales, but nothing ever felt natural. Early on, I was taught that the client/customer should feel that what you provide will somehow improve their quality of life, or be sold on some idea that they “need” what you create. Even as someone who feels like burning a candle is a sacred ritual that does help me feel grounded & comforted, I found the idea of trying to somehow “push” that concept to be really absurd. Life is far too subjective.
I’ve purposefully made sure to never include language like “you have to have this candle in your life” or ” burn this and xyz will be the result” in promotional text, because I just think it’s silly. Numbers aren’t my bottom line either, I mean, I made a candle called Green Leaves that smells like my grandfather’s tomato garden, simply because I know one day we will no longer visit that house, or him, in Queens – it’s some kind of existential appreciation for meaningful moments that fuels the craft.
Unlearning what we’re almost kind of brainwashed to believe can be tough to do. I still get youtube ads where some guy appears in the video window with a whiteboard, laying out the “top tips to upscale your business”, and it’s literally just manipulation tactics. I always remind fellow creatives that we really have to mute all the background noise, and stick to what we love, trusting that our genuine passion & sincere intentions will always shine through.
For you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative?
Over the years I’ve come to realize that all I ever hope to gain from outputting any kind of creative work is connection. Real human connection. Everything I make is an extension of myself, whether that be a piece of my soul in a song, or a piece of my heart in a candle.
One of my mentors, Alex Grey, went through this whole lecture once, where he expressed that one of the most crucial components to creating is the part where what you create is shared with the world so that it may continue the cycle of inspiration. For a long time this was the part that scared me the most. After that lecture I realized how insane I was being, to hoard all of my work inside my mind (and the shelves of my room) never to be seen. Things changed quickly after that.
Getting the feedback that someone found solace in a particular seasonal candle, or that a poem shifted someone’s mindset is rewarding – not because it means what I’m doing is “good” – but because it means a new thread of connection & understanding now exists, and to me, that is incredible. That’s why I’m still at it.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://inthemoonden.com
- Instagram: @moondencandles / @alyssainthemoonden
- Other: https://themoonden.substack.com/
https://essenceofyogastudio.com/schedule-of-classes/
