Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Erika Boehme. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Erika, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Before we talk about all of your success, let’s start with a story of failure. Can you open up about a time when you’ve failed?
Of COURSE.
This isn’t just a story of a failure, this is a story of MANY failures. Where I used to wonder, in existential agony, why am I here? I now KNOW the power I have to create worlds.
The abortion I had when I was 20 was something I blocked out of my mind the best I could. Have you ever had that feeling that lurks in the background, nearly hidden; you listen to it for less than 3 seconds before you pretend it’s not there, but its presence is somehow always felt? Yeah, that’s shame. (We’ll get to you later)
I learned how to chase success before I learned how to drive because I thought it meant I would be more worthy of love.
During the pandemic I started my career as a life coach; the same year I graduated from undergrad without getting a cap & gown ceremony. Although, a part of me didn’t care because I was always in a rush to finish school so that I could start ‘living my life.’ This would be my third business endeavor. Yeah, I’ve always been ambitious ;)
In a rush to be successful, over 6 months I put nearly 20k on a credit card for a business coach to help me ‘make it happen.’
Each new day, week, month telling myself, as I slip deeper into crippling debt, “I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.” A part of me believed I could, while my subconscious mind was running 95% of my actions.
(How did she not know I was frantically operating from fear? And because of that everything we were doing was NEVER going to work? Oh yeah, I’m masterful at pretending everything is fine.) I had many program launches producing $0 in revenue and events where nobody attended.
Failure after failure knocked me down. Then, one night my partner came to me begging that I initiate intimacy from now on because he could no longer experience the pain of being rejected over and over.
This felt like a gut punch.
1. I didn’t even know how to initiate intimacy
2. I didn’t know if I even wanted to – it felt like there were 2872 more important things to do than sex.
3. I didn’t know at the time: it’s nearly impossible to feel relaxed and turned on when your nervous system is in fight or flight– trying to win approval to be accepted, survive in this capitalistic society (in a global pandemic at the time), & urgently trying to do too much.
As the personal development junkie & bodhisattva I am, this was a divine wake up call to go inward & discover WTF was going on. Why was I so resistant to being in pleasure & intimate connection with my high school sweetheart?
The first thing I found was a lot of unprocessed shame and emotion towards my past failures. I realized like the “good” girl I was, I had been suppressing my negative feelings all my life.
I went on a journey of sensuality, immersing myself in really feeling it all: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I found release for all that pent-up emotion. What happened next?
Get this— where I thought I was broken being sexually disconnected, I discovered I am actually a highly sexual person. Now all the scorpio placements in my astrological chart make so much sense!
The journey continues with me going from fixing myself to becoming myself. Not always trying to grow to be ‘perfect’, but to be wildly accepting of ALL parts of who I am. When I released the shame and stories that were keeping me weighted down and caged, I found the source of my pleasure & power.
When I was struggling with my shame & sexuality I couldn’t help but wonder how many other people are also struggling alone with these taboo parts of themselves. The voice of shame lurking in the background transformed into whispers that said “you need to be the one — the one to give a voice to what’s taboo, misunderstood & underrepresented…for the liberation of all”
We cant suppress the parts of ourselves we deem unlovable, without also masking our strengths, gifts & love.
This is how I went from hiding to shining.
“what most needs attention is the part of us that we seek to avoid feeling. When we have tended to that, we are changed, and the world changes with us” —DAN EMMONS
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
My name is Erika Boehme. I call myself a Sacred Intimacy and Self-expression Coach. I get turned on by radical leadership, co-creating heaven on earth, and conversations about philosophy & human potential. My spirituality, inner rebel visionary & activist leads me in fierce devotion to serve humanity. I love doing life with people who dare to live outside the box.
I offer transformational backpacking retreats, pleasure ceremonies, intimacy coaching for couples and queer folk, and 1:1 visionary leadership coaching. I also host the podcast, Fuck the Box – Free Yourself! where I interview rebel visionary guests who are here to dismantle the limiting boxes imposed by society, religion, self-doubt, and more.
What sets me apart from others?!
I help you craft the true home for your wise & wild soul. My solution goes beyond the limits of your conscious mind into the unconscious programming that has you forget the divin, MADE FROM STARDUST, magical miracle that you are. I take you into the body, in intimate communion with all parts of you, so that you can reclaim the lost parts of yourself back into wholeness. Your flaws and your freak are sacred parts of you, with profound superpower. My work will be different than anything you’ve ever done before, because it capitalizes on what is taboo and cannot be put in a box as the pathway to your liberation.
I create spaces for you to remember who the FORCE you are. Spend time with me and you will…
1. put down the people pleasing, playing small, and perfectionism to once and for all listen to, honor and go after YOUR desires. Permission to be selfish, and have it deeply serve the collective, because your desires help you be more in your magic, which benefits everyone.
2. develop a consistent relationship with the intimacy practices that help you come back home to a regulated nervous system, clear mind, open heart & awaken to the awe of life. When you feel incomplete inside or disempowered in any way, this is where you go first to find your wholeness.
3. have channelled your podcast, service offerings, book, retreat, art, passion project, etc. You’re done sitting on the soul idea you’ve had for years. You’re DONE convincing yourself you need more clarity or a “better time” as an excuse for avoiding fear of failure and not being good enough. Did you forget? You’re a rebel visionary – meant to pioneer what’s never been done before. Of course you doubt yourself, AND…it’s time to birth your soul idea into the world.
4. be seen as who you really are —your humanity & your divinity. Wherever you are, you give value. Find your corner of the world where you belong & are meant to spread your magic touch. Do it with ferocity, verve, and a ROAR…whether you are with friends, at the supermarket, on stage, in the trenches of your work, or looking in the mirror.
5. transform deep-seeded beliefs at the subconscious level so that you can stop repeating old patterns, break free, and liberate yourself in every way. Go from suppressing your magic & the taboo parts of yourself to being free to be the creative life force you were born to be.
I do this work because it’s the path I’ve walked myself. I used to be so shy—my colorful expression shackled by perfectionism. Now, building the plane while it’s flying in the air is kinda my super power. It’s where I thrive & feel most ALIVE. I can be detail oriented, meticulous and borderline perfectionist—I love a good planner and step by step action plan. What I love even more? Fuck around and find out, with a sprinkle of flying by the seat of my pants! Putting myself in these scenarios forces me to rely on instinct, to lead in the moment, and discover what from within me wants to come alive—something that could never be birthed from a carefully thought over or linear plan. I’ll have what’s kinky & risky, please ;)
Don’t get me wrong—it’s uncomfy AF, and my nervous system isn’t always on board, but it’s forged me into someone who’s adaptable, intuitive, brave & reliable. Someone who trust herself, eats fear for breakfast, gets turned on by the mystery & has experienced failure so many times it just bounces right off me. Through this way of being, I’ve discovered the source of my wild power. The more I lean into what feels brave and edgy, the more magnetic, creative, successful & soul fulfilled I become. This is what I want for the daring, heart on fire, rebel visionary leaders I serve. Because we have the power to co-create a new world – one that is socially just, environmentally sustainable & spiritually fulling for all.
Can you share one of your favorite marketing or sales stories?
The time that comes to me is when I was in the second year of my business, still trying to learn the ropes of entrepreneurship. I did NOT feel successful. I was feeling a weight of shame, and all the times from my past when I made the wrong decision or wasn’t ‘good enough’ were staring me in the face. An experience that was resurfacing was the abortion I had a couple of years ago that I tried to block out and clearly didn’t process enough.
In some way, I assert every woman has had that moment in her life where she makes a choice, consciously or unconsciously, to dim or even completely turn off her radiance. Usually from some life event that has left her with a misguided belief that she is not good enough to shine. I turned my radiance down a notch every time I endured a life experience I deemed unacceptable, in one of those unbelievable almost out-of-body situations where you’re thinking “my goodness, this only happens to other people not me, RIGHT?!”
For me that was finding myself pregnant at only 20 years old and choosing to have a termination. As well as maxing out two credit cards and getting into major debt, and discovering infidelity in my committed long term relationship. Of course, I didn’t intend for these things to happen but I made myself fundamentally wrong and bad as punishment.
We do this a lot, actually. Based on others’ judgements and the limiting beliefs we take on from what we’ve been taught, we decide not to forgive ourselves. Carrying around this shame and guilt is like our cross to bear. That’s when we turn off our radiance to atone for our mistakes. We go wandering the earth, unwilling to light up the world up with our greatness. For me this translated into hesitation around selling my offers.
Until, I decided to tell my whole online audience the story of having an abortion in order to liberate my shame. Although, what I experienced first was not liberation. I experienced what I’d call a vulnerability hangover. I was trying to go about the rest of the day but my mind kept wondering, “did I share too much? should I delete the post? what will people say?” Despite these vulnerability hangovers that didn’t stop, I would go on to share about my debt, addiction & infidelity. Because, keeping the secret in the dark was running my life, while sharing about it took away it’s power. I didn’t know the responses I would get from sharing the darkest, most vulnerable and taboo parts of my life. My bravery was a permission slip for others to liberate their shame, because we all have it. This authentic, real connection, and display of integrated, whole-self leadership directly led to clients signing up for my retreats, group programs and 1:1 services. This unapologetic expression was the catalyst to my next-level leadership, clarifying my soul-aligned mission and the embodiment of the gifts I’m meant to offer in my life.
Are there any books, videos, essays or other resources that have significantly impacted your management and entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy?
There have been many books that have inspired the way I hold spaces for my clients and the philosophies that shape my body of work.
Becoming Supernatural – Dr. Joe Dispenza
We are so much more powerful than we think!! The mind, the body & our energy field are mind blowing; our connection to them cannot be ignored.
A Return to Love – Marianne Willamson
It’s been a journey for me to dignify the power of love. I thank psychedelic medicine for connecting me to the source of love & truth so that I can embody the transmission of love.
The Last Word on Power – Tracy Goss
This book emboldened me to take risks and do the impossible, not to achieve the goal, but for who you become in the process.
Pussy: A Reclamation – Regena Thomashauer
It’s so clear there are still unhealthy power dynamics at play in large spaces of the world. The activist in me loves to reconnect to the power of my pussy, for the liberation of all.
Dare to Lead – Brene Brown
Shame, vulnerability, and bravery turn me on! More of this in leadership spaces, please.
Emergent Strategy – Adrienne Maree Brown
How we can look at and replicate systems of nature to spark meaningful & needed change. Nature should be a part of DEI conversations, and its wisdom not left ignored for a single day.
Pleasure Activism – Adrienne Maree Brown
The politics of feeling good. This one is so enlightening! I used to let society convince me that pleasure is a trivial thing. After reading this book, I believe there is nothing more important than feeling good. This is why I teach the pleasure pathway to living an audacious life.
The More Beautiful World our Hearts Know is Possible – Charles Eisenstein
This book breathes life into my being, making me feel so seen. Change starts with the stories we are telling ourselves and each other. Let’s tell a new story.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.erikaboehmecoaching.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.pleasure.nymph?igsh=MTU1eGJiOWNza3dndw%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erika-boehme?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app
- Other: podcast:
apple podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/f-k-the-box-free-yourself-podcast/id1789604130
spotify: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/f-k-the-box-free-yourself-podcast/id1789604130
Image Credits
Photography by Bobbi Karg