Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Anthony Parham. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Anthony, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?
I think one of the most defining moments in the trajectory of my career was when I began working with youths influenced by autism in Northern California. I had just finished my schooling so I actually did not think I would be able to support the kiddos I was working with, initially. I lacked confidence and the skills when I began the work and started training. The first day I was able to see youths, all of that changed. My very first youth I saw was about 8 years old. This kid was really bubbly and light-hearted. He loved to play with claw machines, elevators, and his favorite, trains! He taught me how to be patient with people I don’t know. He taught me that anyone can persevere through adversity. Most importantly, he taught me to show up as myself and that each of us have gifts. I would be with this kiddo for several years before moving down to San Diego. I’ll never forget the last day I saw him before my departure. While we were saying our goodbyes during our last session, he stated, “I don’t want to throw away Anthony in the trash and get a new Anthony”. Then he gave me the best hug! A few years later, I would reconnect with his family through social media and I got to see this youth, who was now a grown man! He had just come from prom and was graduating high school. He was also working a job and making some extra money! After meeting this kiddo and him teaching me as much as I was teaching him, I realized I would forever support the youths in the community. And, to this day, I do.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
Circle of Life Therapies is my private practice which provides traditional and nontraditional therapy. In addition, it connects with disenfranchised and marginalized Youths and Families of Color who cannot sustainably afford therapeutic support. The goal is to provide a safe environment where Black, Indigenous, and People of Color can be vulnerable, have opportunities for whole being growth, instill/enhance the value of finding and maintaining strong community bonds, as well as to provide creative & healing outlets. Another goal I seek to achieve through Circle of Life Therapies is to advocate alongside other supportive providers to procure resources for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color and work towards empowering themselves, as well as each other.
As I think of my upbringing, the community resources that were provided were not obtainable at an equitable level for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (If available or even offered at all). Coming up was tough, and as a young African American male, I was always on the defense about something. I was angry at my father for what he had done to us and how he treated us growing up. I felt trapped and pinned down by power, privilege, and oppression. I got into a lot of trouble as a teen. My oldest brother lived in Virginia and my middle brother left for the military when I was in 8th grade so I didn’t have them for guidance or support in the way some siblings do in their upbringing. I engaged in behaviors and activities back then that I now teach my sons and clients are unnecessary. A huge part of me was looking or something more. A deeper seeded family presence, someone who could empathize with the feelings and thoughts I had. I couldn’t have spoken to it at that time, but as I have reflected over the years, I realized I was in chronic pain, psychologically, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
When I was a Junior in high school, I had a coach who knew a little about my home life who approached me in the quad after school, Mr. Reister. He said, “Hey Parham, buddy! You know, I hear you talking to a lot of people. You’re a good listener. If you want to learn how to understand people, you should take my psychology class.” This was the first time my school offered psychology. Considering my grades were not too good at the time, I roared in laughter and told him I needed an easy A and brushed him off. Later that night, I was talking to my mom and brought up what Mr. Reister said, laughing while I told her. My mom slapped the back of my head and said, “You’re going to take that class, Anthony. Remember son, plan A is your academics. Plan B is football.” Needless to say, I took the class.
This psychology class unlocked Pandora’s Box in my brain; and for the first time, I truly realized that I did not have to be a statistic, even if the world said that I did. I began understanding things that I never thought I would. I was asking all kinds of questions about everything; why my father was the way he was, why my mom stayed, what was it like for my brothers before I was born (and before I could remember), why are our communities are the way they are, why isn’t anyone helping our community… There were so many questions. That was my first awakening. My narrative changed from “I am incapable of…” To “I can learn to…”. This was powerful…
Because of my family, my friends who supported me like family, and the influence of Mr. Reister and his teachings of Psychology, I was able to pull my mind together. I learned how to acquire the knowledge I needed to bring up my grades, as well as how to apply different learned pieces of knowledge to obtain some wisdom within my life. Fast forward to graduation, where I was offered multiple academic scholarships and sports scholarships. Fast forward a few years and I would obtain my B.A. in Psychology with double Minors in Counseling and Child Development. Later, I would obtain my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. After working in the field for the last 12 years, I am proud to be continuing into my fourth year of success as the CEO of CIrcle of Life Therapies.
I think I am most proud of Circle of Life Therapies’ potential of being heavily on the side of providing solutions and limiting the contribution to the side of the problem. The stories we tell are plagued with problems. However, through Circle of Life Therapies, I hope to support people to rewrite their stories to honor their traumas and also honor the strengths and resiliency in their journeys. Empowering others is such an important value I hold. For too long Communities of Color have had their stories written for them. I want to help them to take back the pen! It helps that I can relate, empathize, and/or hold space for the families I serve due to me being part of the Culture of Color myself. This sets me apart from other individuals and organizations within the field. Many Black, Indigenous, and People of Color have a hard time relating to those who are not part of the Culture of Color. There is no trust in the systems and, at times, these therapists have challenging times providing the culturally appropriate and relevant resources we are searching for. This is not the therapists’ fault; however, it should still be acknowledged as a primary indicator of what sets Circle of Life Therapies apart from other agencies and providers.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
Coming up was tough, and as a young African American male, I was always on the defense about something. I was angry at my father for what he had done to us and how he treated us growing up. I felt trapped and pinned down by power, privilege, and oppression. I got into a lot of trouble as a teen. My oldest brother lived in Virginia and my middle brother left for the military when I was in 8th grade so I didn’t have them for guidance or support in the way some siblings do in their upbringing. I engaged in behaviors and activities back then that I now teach my sons and clients are unnecessary. A huge part of me was looking or something more. A deeper seeded family presence, someone who could empathize with the feelings and thoughts I had. I couldn’t have spoken to it at that time, but as I have reflected over the years, I realized I was in chronic pain, psychologically, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
When I was a Junior in high school, I had a coach who knew a little about my home life who approached me in the quad after school, Mr. Reister. He said, “Hey Parham, buddy! You know, I hear you talking to a lot of people. You’re a good listener. If you want to learn how to understand people, you should take my psychology class.” This was the first time my school offered psychology. Considering my grades were not too good at the time, I roared in laughter and told him I needed an easy A and brushed him off. Later that night, I was talking to my mom and brought up what Mr. Reister said, laughing while I told her. My mom slapped the back of my head and said, “You’re going to take that class, Anthony. Remember son, plan A is your academics. Plan B is football.” Needless to say, I took the class.
This psychology class unlocked Pandora’s Box in my brain; and for the first time, I truly realized that I did not have to be a statistic, even if the world said that I did. I began understanding things that I never thought I would. I was asking all kinds of questions about everything; why my father was the way he was, why my mom stayed, what was it like for my brothers before I was born (and before I could remember), why are our communities are the way they are, why isn’t anyone helping our community… There were so many questions. This was a catalyst to unlearning some of my limiting beliefs that I internalized through in my phenomenology. My narrative slowly changed from “I am incapable of…” into “I can learn to…”. This was powerful…
My family, my friends who supported me like family, my coaches, and the influence of Mr. Reister and his teachings of Psychology helped me to begin the process of unlearning some of the limiting beliefs that plagued me. I was able to pull my mind together. I learned how to acquire the knowledge I needed to bring up my grades, as well as how to apply different learned pieces of knowledge to obtain some wisdom within my life. Fast forward to graduation, where I was offered multiple academic scholarships and sports scholarships. Fast forward a few years and I would obtain my B.A. in Psychology with double Minors in Counseling and Child Development. Later, I would obtain my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. After working in the field for the last 12 years, I am proud to be continuing into my fourth year of success as the CEO of CIrcle of Life Therapies.
Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?
One of the most powerful things a person in this field can do that will help them in supporting those who are seeking help is doing their own work! The work we do outside to better ourselves and learn about others can directly translate into the work we do within the therapeutic realm. The approach of “fake it till you make it” is unethical when you have a duty to your clients. I promise clients will pick up on it pretty quickly and either call you out or fire you. There are many ways to do our own work. In my own journey, I have found therapy and research have been extremely helpful for myself and the people I serve.
Doing your own work can look like doing therapy yourself. Although therapy was not accessible for me as a youth, I was fortunate to obtain mental health support in grad school. As a part of the process of understanding what it’s like to be “on the other side of the couch”, it is required that Marriage & Family Therapy students receive therapy for a semester. Therapy can support you in finding your own internal biases, resolving baggage, creating coping skills, and building emotional intelligence. I found it so helpful, I decided to become a lifelong recipient of therapy (And she provides bomb.com support). I believe, every therapist should have a therapist.
Doing your own work also includes doing your own research about the people we serve to form a better understanding of who they are (keyword, better; we can never understand, fully, someone’s life). Spending time reading empirical research, hearing testimonies, watching videos, listening to podcasts, and attending trainings surrounding different cultures are a few ways to progress in this. Almost all of my clients share the story of coming into a therapy session and feeling the burden of explaining their culture, and/or the ways they have been oppressed by those with power and privilege, to people that hold the power or privilege. This is extremely difficult to do and often times creates a barrier between the therapist and client. Even as a BIPOC, this step is important. Imagine having to speak about your deepest, darkest moments in life and every few sentences you have to stop to explain what a word or common phrase means. Come to the table with some good working knowledge of a person’s culture to help reduce the barriers that will be present. Clients may find it easier to fill in the gaps in your information because they can see your working towards a better understanding.
Doing your own work is definitely beneficial for yourself. A secondary benefit of doing your own work is the ways in which you show up for your clients in therapy. This will help you be successful in your practice, within the field, and in your own life!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://anthonylmft.wixsite.com/mysite
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/circleoflifetherapies/
- Linkedin: http://us.linkedin.com/in/circleoflifetherapies
- Other: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@simba_ze_therapist/ Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/anthony-parham-san-diego-ca/405908