We recently connected with Jessica Frew and have shared our conversation below.

Jessica, appreciate you joining us today. Let’s kick things off with your mission – what is it and what’s the story behind why it’s your mission?

My mission is to help others love themselves and other on a deeper, more fulfilling level so that they can make decisions that are in alignment with who they are and give others the space to do the same.

I was just about to stand up and leave. I was tired and done with the day, but just as I was standing up, I turned to see an attractive young man standing at the end of the row looking down at me.
‘Hey! Can I sit here?’ he asked, motioning to the empty bench next to me.
‘Sure!’ I responded with a hit of excitement in my voice. This night just got better.
‘My name is Steve.’
‘I’m Jessica, great to meet you.’
I left the concert on a high, the one you get when you meet someone new and you can feel deep inside your life is going to be changed forever.
And mine was without a doubt changed forever in ways I never would have imagined.
We were married 10 short months later. The excitement and joy continued until one day, six months into our marriage, I stumbled across something on the computer that sent me into a spiral. It was pornography and not just any type of porn, but it was all gay porn. Then it hit me: my husband was gay.
Steve was in denial. He was adamant he wasn’t gay. He had spent years keeping this side of himself suppressed and hidden. The idea of being gay was something he had never allowed to come to the surface, but while he sat there and told me he wasn’t gay, I knew in my heart this was something he would come to terms with in the near future. There were a lot of tears that night as we discussed and chatted. It was the first of many of these nights to come, but as we talked about hard things, we grew closer together.
A year later when Steve was in counseling and his counselor leveled with him. The things he was struggling with were an issue but the real issue was Steve was gay. It was at this point Steve came to terms with this truth. We saw no reason to end our marriage. We were happy, content, and had a healthy thriving marriage. We loved doing things together, we were best friends, we had a fulfilling sex life, and were trying to start a family together. We saw no reason to not continue forward. A few years later, we brought a beautiful baby girl into our family. Penny was (and still is) a source of joy, peace, and happiness in our life.
Almost seven years into our marriage, Penny and I went to a family reunion out of state for a weekend. When we got home, Steve came to pick us up from the airport. Penny ran to Steve and threw her arms around him. I watched filled with joy to see the love they shared. I then froze as Steve’s eyes caught mine. Something had changed. Something was wrong. I could feel it to my core. I was scared and worried…

Steve had an affair.

Although I was not naive to the fact this was a possibility, it hurt more than I can ever put into words. There were nights spent in tears and heartache. We were both hurting. Steve felt horrible for hurting me and was filled with shame. He had cheated on his wife. He felt lost and confused. He was torn between staying in our marriage and living a life that felt more natural for him. A life in which he was with a man and lived what was his truth.
We stayed together after the affair. It was an emotional, devastating time in our marriage. We ultimately decided it was best for both of us to get a divorce, even though the thought of losing each other felt emotionally overwhelming.
As we navigated our divorce, we found a new way of viewing our life together. We shifted the way we viewed divorce and how we viewed our relationship. We took this as an opportunity to love and support each other in a new way.
We want our daughter to know her parents love her and each other. We are trying to teach her to be open to other paths in life, both for herself and others and there is no one clear path to happiness. We can love and support each other no matter what path we choose.
I have been remarried now for 11 years. My husband Matt is now my best friend, my confidant, and my rock, but Steve is next in line. I don’t know what I would do without these two men in my life. They are Penny and mines’ biggest cheerleaders. There is too much negativity in this world to not embrace love. There is always good to be found and gratitude to be had, we just have to look for it.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

After years of navigating a partner who came out, an affair, divorce, co-parenting, a second marriage, a transition of faith, and so much more, I was ready to share what I had learned to help support and uplift others who find themselves in the thick of it all.

People reach out to me daily wanting to know how I have let go of the pain from past or present relationships to live my best life. I have come to realize that creating a life we love comes down to how well we can listen to and act on what our gut is telling us we want and need. Which requires us to unlearn our decision making patterns so that we can make decisions that feel good to us. It isn’t about making the right decision, it is about making our personal next best decision. I have developed a decision making method that works! It isn’t about telling you what to do, it is about helping you tap into your own decision making power so you are no longer “shoulding ” all over yourself and living into other people’s expectations of you.

I help people unlearn their decision making patterns to embrace ones that serve them through The Decision Lab (a virtual 6 week program), the Decision Lab Experience (a 2 day in person event) and through 1:1 Decision Day Intensives. I also do keynote speaking, guest podcasting and jump at the opportunity to share my story and methods in all modalities I am provided with.

I am so proud and humbled to see how these programs are changing peoples lives, relationships, and businesses. My impact and gift to help others gain confidence, clarity and concision in their decision making, is providing the path for others to have their greatest impact on the world as well.

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We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

I have spent my whole life unlearning the shoulds of what society, our families, religion, and culture put on us by asking powerful questions and figuring out what resonates for me and what I need to leave behind.

Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?

I left my second husband a year into our marriage.

When I got married the second time, we were just a year in and things were totally falling apart.

My husband Matt and I weren’t really talking, like at all… we had 3 kids we were trying to figure out how to parent between the two of us, and we had a business to build.

And that’s just the start. Dealing with 2 ex-spouses also added to the stress.

In the middle of all this, I was struggling with my own roles as a mom and stepmom, and instead of feeling like a harmonious blended family…

It just felt like a blender. 😣

So, I did the only thing I felt I could do.

I left.

I was done.

Done drowning in a sea of stress, overwhelm and unhappiness.

I got my head clear, soothed my heart, and came back a few days later with a plan.

I decided to “smallerize it” and choose me.

I chose one doable action to focus on.

That’s all.

I started by prioritizing my own physical and mental health.

I stopped reacting to every demand and began putting boundaries in place.

Pretty soon, the chaos cloud we were living under began to fade, and I felt in control.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://heyjessicafrew.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heyjessicafrew/