We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Emily Courney a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, Emily thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Parents play a huge role in our development as youngsters and sometimes that impact follows us into adulthood and into our lives and careers. Looking back, what’s something you think you parents did right?
My siblings and I all have very different strengths. My two younger siblings excelled at school from a young age, while I took just a little bit longer find a style of learning that worked for me. My sister is introverted with a hilarious sense of humor. My brother is wise, with a clear communication style and calm presence.
Despite growing into ourselves at different paces, our parents never once compared us to one another. We each had our different strengths, which our parents highlighted. And because we were taught to be confident in those, we were happy for the strengths we saw in others. They gave us the gift of security by recognizing us as multifaceted human beings and they gave me my two best friends.
Recognizing others as more than just one part of who they are extended to everybody else. My father is a MSW at the county who works with severely underserved populations. And he wouldn’t have been able to do this work for the past 30 or so years unless he truly cared for the well-being of the individuals seeking resources in the city of Modesto and Stanislaus County. He wouldn’t have been able to reunite family after family if it weren’t for his innate ability to see a beyond a person’s current challenges through to their strengths.
Stanislaus county is comprised, in part, by underserved populations and a large, unhoused population. In many of the residents here, this has created a hostility toward these people. But since we were little, my mom would frequently say to us “there but for the grace of God go I”, when we would cross paths with people who are struggling. We were taught to suspend judgement and to recognize others for the intersectional person that they are. This is absolutely essential in my work as a therapist.
Another gift my parents gave me was a lesson. One which I believe is essential to having independently formed a business by the age of 31: It’s ok to quit.
Even though I nearly didn’t graduate high school, I felt comfortable enough to try community college without hesitation despite failing several classes a year prior. If I didn’t like it, I could quit. But each A was a victory and a step toward finding what I am good at, not what most people should be good at. I went on to transfer to UC San Diego without ever having heard of the school (I didn’t know college was in the cards for me). I applied and moved to La Jolla, which was a culture shock for me having lived my entire life along highway 99 in the Central Valley—I was able to do so because if I was truly unhappy there, I could quit.
I worked in Cannabis as an accountant (I did quit that) before moving into a sales position (quit that in about a month). Quitting gave me patience enough to be intentional about my next move. It wasn’t failure, it was freedom to my career. I applied to Pepperdine University for graduate school and took every opportunity that came my way. I did quit a few things along the way, but ultimately found my passion for human sexuality as a Graduate Assistant. While in this role, I leaned how adaptable I was as part of a research team. I gained experience that allowed me to immediately work in a private practice because I wasn’t barred in by the fear of failure. Why would I be afraid of failure, when I could quit?
The result of this particular lesson in my upbringing and the experiences that have followed is an internal voice saying to me, “it’s ok if this doesn’t work out, just try something else” rather than “you’ve failed”. This voice has given me the confidence to work patiently, step by step toward my calling as a therapist and an independent business owner.
I am proud to say that I built this business myself. Down to the last punctuation mark on my website which is free of AI and written by me.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
I’m a Sex Therapist and Marriage and Family Therapist based in the Central Valley of California. As a Sex Therapist, I have training and experience in addressing concerns such as sexual trauma, out-of-control sexual behavior, sexual desire discrepancy in couples, erectile dysfunction, and orgasm or arousal disorders, to name a few. I was drawn to sex therapy because despite the toll issues such as these can take in a person’s life, the approach for many of these issues are relatively simple. This particular realm of psychotherapy relies heavily on psychoeducation. There is widespread misinformation about human sexuality on a societal level, and it hurts people. I get to work with people directly in order to correct these sometimes harmful messages and hopefully create lasting change in their lives.
I’ve worked with many clients who identify as part of the LGBTQI+ community in part due to my training in addressing issues related to gender identity, sexual orientation, and alternative lifestyles. This population is one that I am especially passionate about working with, specifically because I have practiced for the past three years in a very conservative pocket of California where hateful behavior and sometimes outright aggression are appallingly commonplace. Many of my clients have delayed therapy for fear of continued judgment from their therapists and had even experienced it personally. I feel honored to provide a safe therapeutic environment for these communities in an area where it is not as available.
My title as a licensed marriage and family therapist is the foundation that my sex therapy specialty is built on. Not every client who joins me for session is looking for sex therapy! I have worked with concerns such as personality disorders, self-esteem issues, depression, anxiety, bipolar and related disorders, to name a few. I’ve helped individuals and couples from a range of backgrounds and cultures from ages five to seventy-five.It’s an honor and a privilege get to work with every one of my clients, and I believe this is evident in my work.
How’d you build such a strong reputation within your market?
As a therapist, it’s safe to say it’s a given that clients are most often looking for a practitioner who is compassionate and non-judgmental. These are two qualities that I believe I hold in abundance. Most commonly I’ll hear from clients that they can tell I truly care. But what sets me apart is not relying solely on validation to create progress. In reviews, clients tell me that they can tell my comments in therapy are equal parts compassionate care and research backed interventions. Additionally, my background as a LGBTQ+ sex therapist with training specific to sex therapy is unique to the area, setting me apart for those who aren’t familiar with my style yet.
My effectiveness as a therapist is a large part of why clients recommend me to friends and loved ones. The other, perhaps equally important factor in building my reputation, is my reliability and communication with clients. I very rarely reschedule or cancel appointments to ensure care is interrupted as little as possible. For those graduating from treatment, I give ample notice to assist them in processing this change. In a field where large telehealth companies are becoming more and more popular, ethical practices such as these can fall by the wayside. Therapy should be done with care and integrity, from beginning to end.
Can you tell us about what’s worked well for you in terms of growing your clientele?
Oftentimes, I will acquire clients through word of mouth. Having an outstanding reputation built on integrity, reliability, and demonstrating consistent efforts has led to both high client retention and referrals with new ones. As a client, searching for a therapist can be overwhelming. However, my specialties and background stand out on websites such as psychology today, increasing my visibility to prospective clients. Search engine optimization has been a major tool for me in helping me acquire new business.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.therapywithemilycourney.com/
- Instagram: @therapywithemilycourney
- Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/emily-courney-778167231
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