We were lucky to catch up with Terri Lipton recently and have shared our conversation below.

Terri, appreciate you joining us today. Was there a moment in your career that meaningfully altered your trajectory? If so, we’d love to hear the backstory.

Well, after a lifetime of manipulation, emotional abuse, being discarded a thousand times by my covert narcissistic mother, and having my dad tell me that I was dead to him. I legit had to rebrand. I thought to myself, these relationships are crushing my soul. If anyone else treated me or my children this way, I would stay as far away from them as possible! Why should toxic, emotionally abusive family members get a pass? But, that choice to preserve my peace left me feeling like a villain in society. I mean, what kind of person walks away from their family? This girl…
I began to write my experiences down and thanks to my eldest daughter, instead of writing a book, I started a podcast-Character Outs- on a mission to normalize going (and staying) no contact with toxic family.

Terri, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

I am a mom of five and married to the love of my life, who continues to heal my soul. I love my babies, my bestie, the beach, all things Vizsla, and Veuve. I am messy, imperfect, broken but healing, and most importantly, determined to break toxic generational cycles.

I am also a former: daughter, step-daughter, sister and aunt.
I am no contact with my entire family. But I have my peace, my sweet babies, my husband, and my chosen family.

So, I have a covert passive-aggressive narcissistic mother, a dad who thinks he is Don Corleone, a golden child brother and a bonus: a toxic, enabling stepmom. Yaaayyyy!!! I won the toxic family jackpot!

I finally woke up, realized my worth, and went no contact with all of them. When I did, though, I found that the societal perceptions associated with going no contact with toxic family members, well, SUCKED! I felt like a terrible person.
One day, while driving, I heard the song, ‘Matilda,’ by Harry Styles. I listened to the lyrics and could. Not. Stop. Crying. I pulled myself together, and it hit me…maybe there are other Matilda’s out there who need to be reminded that going no contact does not make them a terrible person. I wondered if maybe others could benefit from a podcast about the ups and downs of this no-contact-with-toxic family journey. And so, the Character Outs podcast was born.

When I went no contact with my toxic family my heart shifted. I was no longer responsible for returning to my family for more emotional abuse. I shifted into self-reflection and healing. I became empowered by my story and my journey instead of ashamed. However, there were a conundrum of emotions. I felt relieved, fearful, peaceful, scared, doubtful, and hopeful. Exactly, all of these emotions are so conflicting and difficult to process. All I knew is that I was on the right path, the path that left my toxic family in the rear view mirror. I had made the difficult decision to choose peace over chaos and yet I felt as though society kept trying to persuade me back into a relationship with my family. Statements like: “But you only have one mom.” “It’s her first time being a mom too.” “You will regret it when they die.” “Forgive and forget, you only have one family, life is too short.” Oh and a fan fav, “If you cut your family off, your kids are gonna grow up and cut you off too.” All of those statements made me feel as though I had done something wrong and that I could potentially fix this fractured family that I was born into. I remember feeling so lost and alone. As I have travelled down this road of no contact, 4 years with my mother and brother and 5 years with my father and step-mother, I looked around and realized that not too many people are talking about how difficult this journey is. I set out on a mission to reach even one person who was feeling lost and alone and empower them to keep walking.
I am not a therapist or a mental health professional. I have a degree in elementary education, but that certainly didn’t help me navigate a toxic family. I am a survivor in the trenches and on the Character Outs podcast we talk about the emotions of navigating this no contact journey.

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

I mean, I am giggling…how long is this article?? Ahhhh resilience, a lesson we never want to be thrown into, but wow, the after shocks of the lesson are life changing. For me, it was the period of time when I was going through a divorce to my first husband, my mother had just kicked myself and my three children out of her house. I was on food stamps, and trying to keep my children happy even though my world was crumbling. I was working at a casino in Ft. Lauderdale, FL as a cocktail server and I had just finished an 8 hour shift with a fever. I went to Urgent Care, then Walgreens to get my prescriptions. I will never forget kneeling down in the middle of the cold/flu aisle fumbling through medicine in my corset and boots and thinking to myself no one even cares that I am sick, especially not the people who are supposed to love me the most, my family. I kneeled on the floor and just cried. But, I pulled myself together, took a deep breath and carried on. It is moments like this that I realize that at my lowest, when I felt the weakest, I was actually gaining strength.

Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?

Ohhhh so many lessons I had to unlearn. I was raised by a covert narcissist after-all!! I think the biggest for me is when I began to recognize that the way I was raised and treated as a child and well into adulthood was not healthy. But oh did I think it was normal! So of course, I had a myriad of programmed responses. For example, discarding or the silent treatment. When my husband and I would have a disagreement sometimes, I wouldn’t talk to him for days. It wasn’t until a few years into my marriage that my husband looked at me and said, ‘ya know, when you don’t talk to me for days, that really hurts.’ Oh no. I was doing to him exactly what was done to me my entire life. And can we talk about fighting dirty? I was the queen of that. I was fully aware that hurtful words were like tiny daggers to the soul. I know because the hurtful words that my mother said to me are still branded on my soul. Yet there I was, employing the toxic tactics that were done to me and saying terrible things to my husband in the midst of a disagreement. Yikes. It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me. Thankfully, I am married to someone who has loved me through my ugliest moments.

This no contact with toxic family journey is not easy and certainly not anyone’s first choice. But, we keep walking.

Thank you so much for this opportunity to speak with you.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://characteroutspodcast.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/characteroutspodcast/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/terri-l-47a33a296/