Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Torie Wiksell. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Torie, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today We’d love to hear stories from your time in school/training/etc.

The first time I practiced as a therapist was during grad school. I was a practicum student, which meant working over 20 hours a week without pay, in an inpatient mental health hospital. One day, I was assigned to co-facilitate a therapy group with another therapist-in-training. I was panicked. I felt so ill-equipped to help anyone, especially people in such a fragile mental state. I kept thinking, “How am I supposed to do therapy? I don’t know how to be a therapist.”

In those few short minutes before the group began, something clicked. I realized that to be a therapist, I needed to be flexible, and I needed to start right then. As a high achiever and someone who has struggled with perfectionism OCD most of my life (though undiagnosed at that time), saying flexibility wasn’t my strong suit would be the understatement of the year. But I knew I had to change my approach since the way I wanted to do things- study more, learn more, receive more training- was not an option.

So, I focused on the basics. I listened—really listened—to what people were saying and asked follow-up questions. I put myself in the moment and let go of the rigid ideas I had about how things should go. And, you know what? It wasn’t a disaster. It was actually a really cool moment and memory. Have I learned a lot and improved my skills in the 11+ years since that experience? Absolutely. But I still carry with me the lessons I learned that day about flexibility, being present, and genuine listening.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

I’m a therapist and coach specializing in working with the adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. I began my journey as a therapist in 2013 when I was a grad student, and it’s incredible to reflect on more than a decade of experience now. Over the years, I’ve worked in diverse settings, including hospitals, community mental health programs, and schools. In 2018, I made the leap and opened my private practice, Torie Wiksell Therapy, where I now provide virtual therapy to adults in Washington, Oregon, and California.

A significant part of my clinical background involves working with clients in crisis, including those dealing with severe depression, psychosis, and personality disorders. However, in recent years, I’ve honed my focus to specialize in helping adult children of parents with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.

I noticed a significant gap in the availability of therapists who truly understand the complex layers of these family dynamics. As someone who grew up with a parent with unmanaged borderline personality disorder, I am deeply passionate about helping others navigate these intricate and often challenging relationships.

Earlier this year, I expanded my services by launching Confident Boundaries, LLC, a coaching company that supports adults globally who are struggling with a parent with BPD or NPD. In my coaching practice, I work individually with adults via Zoom to help them better understand what it means to have a parent with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, validate their experiences, and strategize plans for creating and maintaining healthy boundaries or going no-contact.

I also have a weekly podcast, “You’re Not Crazy: A Podcast for the Adult Children of Parents with Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorders.” I love doing the podcast and being able to share my unfiltered thoughts about such a specific topic. It’s so hard for people who did not grow up in a dynamic like this to truly understand the complexities, and it’s incredibly rewarding to hear from listeners who resonate with a particular episode.

Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?

Honestly? I think the most helpful thing for being a successful therapist is being genuinely yourself in a boundaried way. I used to have a very blank-slate philosophy as a therapist, sharing little to no information about myself or my personal life with my clients. I never wanted the sessions to be about anything but them.

Over the years, I’ve changed that approach. I still want the focus to be on my clients and their concerns, but I’ve found that intentionally sharing aspects of myself and my humanness helps my clients feel less alone and more understood. It’s a delicate balance, and no one can be perfect at it. However, I’m really glad I made the decision to talk publicly about parts of my personal journey and share with clients.

I’ve been through a lot personally and work hard on my mental health. I’ll always work hard on my mental health because it’s something incredibly important to me. By sharing my experiences, I hope to show my clients that if I can work through challenges, so can they.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

A significant lesson I had to unlearn was the idea that other people were far more capable than I was. Growing up with a mom who had borderline personality disorder and some narcissistic traits, I was constantly told who I was and who I wasn’t. My thoughts and opinions that differed from hers were deemed wrong. I was even told I shouldn’t major in Psychology because I would never build a career from it.

I always viewed “successful” people as having something I not only didn’t have but couldn’t obtain. I had a very narrow view of my capabilities and interpreted my struggles as personal failures rather than a lack of information or resources. However, over the years, I started to become friends with “successful” people who turned out to be quite normal and flawed. Sometimes, they even knew less or had less experience than I did.

Making human connections with people I once viewed as better than me allowed me to see that I was more capable than I gave myself credit for. These “successful” people were not perfect, but they were willing to put themselves out there, take calculated risks, and fail along the way. Those things were scary but learnable, and I did learn how to do them.

As you can probably guess, I did major in Psychology, earned a Master’s in Counseling Psychology, and went on to build two successful companies—my therapy private practice and my coaching business.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.confidentboundaries.com
• Instagram: https://instagram.com/toriewiksell
• Other: Therapy private practice: www.toriewikselltherapy.com

  Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/youre-not-crazy-a-podcast-for-the-adult-children-of-parents-with-borderline-and-narcissistic-personality-disorders/id1759806015

Image Credits

Torie Wiksell