We recently connected with Julia Fehrenbacher and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Julia, thanks for joining us today. It’s always helpful to hear about times when someone’s had to take a risk – how did they think through the decision, why did they take the risk, and what ended up happening. We’d love to hear about a risk you’ve taken.
Finally, and right on time,
you will remember
you were never meant
for the beaten path.
The above (and below) italicized words are lines from a poem of mine entitled “The Mighty Sage.”
I have known since I was a small girl that I was never meant for the beaten, straight-lined path of 9-5. There was a fire burning inside me, a wild curiosity, a depth of longing, and a knowing that I needed to listen to and follow the mighty sage inside of me.
For a long time, however, I had this depth of knowing that I needed to pave my own creative path, but I did not know what that path was. There was a whole lot of fumbling in the dark, trial and error, of one step forward, three steps back.
The road will appear,
then disappear
a thousand tired times
There was a rowdy crowd of critical voices inside and outside of me throwing out should after breathless should. You should become a full-time teacher. You should get a secure job with health insurance. You should not quit your secure job with health insurance to give attention to your writing and creativity.
Since I was a young, pigtailed girl with one of those little lock journals, I have needed to write. I have needed to write as if my whole life depended on it. And I did write in my little lock journals and, later, in my big girl journals. But, when I thought about sharing my writing, those critical voices screamed: But you’re not good enough, not smart enough — you do not have a master’s degree in English or an MFA, or or or.
When I was in my mid-30s, raising two small daughters, I took a big leap and decided to register for author/teacher Natalie Goldberg’s writing retreat in Taos, New Mexico. It was during those first few days, sitting elbow to elbow with other writers, with Natalie’s permission to: “Feel free to write the worst shit…” that I began to find my voice, that I finally gave myself permission to call myself a writing and to share my writing.
I returned from that retreat with a deep passion to guide others to the kind of creative freedom I had found there in Taos.
Signing up for Natalie Goldberg’s retreat felt scary, like a giant leap out of my comfort zone. I felt like an imposter. I worried I wasn’t good enough. But I have since learned that this discomfort is a normal and necessary symptom of growing and stretching, and ultimately living into one’s dreams.
I am so very grateful to my younger self for taking that leap years ago, as it has led to numerous other big leaps and a path I can call my very own.
there is a mighty sage inside you
who has always whispered the way, who
has tossed you a sky full of stars—
go now—scatter them,
scatter them
everywhere.
Julia, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
As I mentioned, I have been writing since I was a small, pigtailed girl carrying around one of those little lock journals. Writing has always been a lifeline, a way to connect with myself and release what lives heavy inside of me onto the page. A blank page, a pen, and words have always felt like very best friends to me.
After attending author Natalie Goldberg’s writing retreat in Taos, New Mexico (nearly twenty years ago), I decided I needed to come home and guide others (via writing groups and classes) toward the beautiful creative freedom I had found in Natalie’s liberating permission to: “Feel free to write the worst shit…”
I am very proud to say that I am now the author of two books of poetry, “On the Other Side of Fear,” and my most recent book (published in 2021) entitled “Staying in Love.”
My poetry has also been published in numerous books, including “The Poetry of Presence” (Part l and Part ll), and James Crews’ anthologies “The Path to Kindness,” and “The Wonder of Small Things.”
I currently facilitate an online women’s writing community called “Write Yourself Free.” I am deeply proud of the connections and freedom this community offers. The intention of this community is not to be “good” writers but to connect deeply to ourselves and others. During live classes, we let go of judgment/analysis, or trying to be “good,” and place our attention on being deeply present and accepting. It is incredibly healing to hear, and be heard, in this deeply present way.
Through my books of poetry, my work as a life coach, and my online writing community, it is my greatest desire to guide others to the mighty sage that lives inside of them.
In addition to my creative work in the world, my most important work is as a mom to two beautiful young women, Marielle (22) & Lily (19). I have been married to a great guy (Matt) for almost 24 years. We have two dogs (Lucky & Roo) and a cat named Watson.
Any insights you can share with us about how you built up your social media presence?
I built and continue to build my social media audience very, very slowly.
It all began with me being very real and vulnerable on my blog, sharing the truth of my challenges as a mom to two little girls, and my many challenges as a creative woman trying to find the courage to share my writing and art publicly.
The key for me has been to keep turning toward myself, listening deeply to what I find in here, and to just keep showing up and sharing the next true thing (especially when my voice shakes).
One of the best bits of advice I have heard is from author, Glennon Doyle, she said (I am paraphrasing) that whether you have an audience of two or two hundred thousand, just show up real and true. It is not the numbers that matter, but the authenticity in which you show up, the connections you make, the love you spread,
I would say to keep doing your work for the JOY of it, not to get popular or famous, but because it’s your true love. When you do something for the joy of it, that joy ripples out and touches others in a profound and beautifully authentic way.
The poet Mary Oliver’s very beautiful, very important words come to mind now:
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Keep letting go of “good.” Keep loving what you love. Keep showing up. Remember that we really do need the gift that only you can give.
Is there mission driving your creative journey?
Stop asking: Am I good enough?
Ask only: Am I showing up with love?
My mission has to do with the above words from my poem, “Hold Out Your Hand.” My greatest passion is to encourage myself and others to let go of this paralyzing idea of “good,” and to show up real and true. This world is in desperate need of people who are kind and loving, who live from a place of bigness, rather than from their small, fearful selves.
My hope is that my work reminds you to look up and around, to look deeply and closely, to listen to birdsong in the middle of the day, to drink a glass of water slowly—just because. To rest for as long as you need to. To, every single day, put self-love at the very top of your “to do” list.
Because this hurting world does not need another hard, hurried, harried, busy, sick, tired, empty, overworked, overwhelmed, scrambling-for-worthiness human.
Now, more than ever, we must show up with our best selves, we must become (or continue to be) part of the healing, rather than adding to the hurt. It is critical.
Everything depends on our resolve to stay and stay in love. This is my mission. This is my work.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.juliafehrenbacher.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliamfehrenbacher/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/julia.fehrenbacher.3
Image Credits
Photo credit: Kevin Moul: https://www.kevinsmoul.com/about/
(for the feature photo and the last photo sent)
Photo credit for the 4th photo sent (black and white) Julie Peterkort