Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Mary Stancavage. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Alright, Mary thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?
About 20 years ago I was deep into my meditation practice and also working as an archaeologist in Syria. Part of my spiritual practice was to live for a year as though it was my last. The idea was to see what got in the way of being fully connected to each moment of life and to see where we’re stuck. When I got to Syria for that season’s excavations, I realized that if I only had one year to live, I would not want to being doing that. It was a shocking revelation because I had always wanted to do archaeology and who would I be if I gave it up? The big lesson for me was to recognize that we become attached to stories about our identity (I am an archaeologist) and we stick to them long after their expiration dates. It’s difficult to shed something we’ve carried for so long, but when we do, we create space for what’s important for us in this moment. This was foundational in my understanding of my mindfulness practice and what it means to be fully aware.
Mary, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
I had been dabbling in meditation for many years, but when I finally found a permanent group to sit with regularly, everything fell into place. After a few years of practice, I was invited to teacher training and my life has changed. I have now been teaching meditation and dharma for almost 16 years. At first all our classes were in person, but when everything shut down in 2020, I went online and continue online to this day although I also teach in person around Los Angeles and Palm Springs. I offer a morning meditation group at 7am, seven days a week and we have been meeting for over four years. I’m grateful for the strong community that has been created and how we continue to practice and support each other across the miles.
The main lens through which I see the world and how I teach is with an invitation to live with an undefended heart. I find this is a lifelong journey to uncover the walls we have built up that get in our way. How do we defend ourselves and how do we free ourselves? This has been a rich journey that continues with ever unfolding subtlety. This teaching is held with both wisdom and compassion – cultivating not just an undefended heart, but a wise and kind one as well. This practice allows us to be present for our lives with equanimity. We can hold the ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows and lets us be truly free.
Have you ever had to pivot?
Many years ago I was working for a Fortune 100 company (Xerox). I had been there about ten years and really enjoyed my time, but there was a reorganization and my job completely changed to something I found extremely unsatisfying. I stuck with it for a couple of years until I realized that I had to make a change, but I was terrified to leave. What else could I do? It was the only thing I knew and was sure that no one would ever hire me. It took me over nine months but eventually I got up the courage to leave without a plan for moving forward which was quite unusual for me. I always had to have everything planned out well in advance, but couldn’t quite figure this one out. Luckily I had a supportive spouse which allowed me a bit of breathing room.
I quit and three months later I found myself doing a job in a field I didn’t even know existed until then. The lesson I learned was that it was impossible plan out every single step of the way and predict the future. All we have is what’s in front of us. I learned to make friends with the fear and just do the next indicated thing. I don’t have all the answers after all, thank goodness.
If you could go back in time, do you think you would have chosen a different profession or specialty?
In my life I’ve been an archaeologist, a corporate administrator, a nonprofit director, a dharma teacher and many other small jobs that have kept me going through the years. In looking back I don’t know if I would change a thing because no plan I ever made landed me where I am today. I guess I knew intuitively to follow my interests. My BA and MA are in Anthropology and Ancient History/Archaeology – not lucrative professions, but deeply satisfying and which offered me a wide breadth of experience around the world. Landing in the corporate world (a temp job turned permanent) taught me amazing skill sets and honed my organizational capacities. Moving into the meditation world offered me a spiritual path that allowed me to see clearly that right here is where I am.
I don’t know if I chose the professions as much as I said “yes” in the moment and opened to opportunity. It wasn’t without worry or fear that I made a mistake. There were difficulties and challenges galore, but the capacity to put one foot in front of the other allowed me to continue. The important think I believe is to let go of rigidity and believing it has to be one thing, or a certain way. I never talk people out of studying what they want to study because who really knows where anything will lead. Anything we “know” about the future is all fantasy.
Contact Info:
- Website: marystancavage.org
- Instagram: marystan55
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mary.stan.18
- Twitter: marystan55
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSJkAHzIRxy1caZ0mX81IKg