We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Dakota Ramppen. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Dakota below.

Dakota, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?

In 2017, I eagerly began my journey as a sexuality educator, driven by a deep passion to educate and empower young minds. I would travel around Newark, New Jersey as a naive 20 year old with a bag filled to the brim with arts and crafts and the other with dildos, dental dams, and plush vulvas. I knew this was where I was supposed to be but after college, I resorted to working in toxic bars and gyms with the opposite of a “body positive” environment which quickly turned into a drinking problem and low self esteem. That obviously wasn’t going to work so shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I found myself applying for a teaching position in Washington Heights. I taught elementary school subjects like reading, writing, math and history. However, my heart longed to continue teaching sexuality education. I took a chance and applied to be a middle school Human Development teacher. I believed that this was my purpose, and I invested time in building a comprehensive sexuality education curriculum and initiating their first gender and sexuality alliance (GSA). We would discuss setting goals, nutrition, emotional regulation, gender, sexuality, allyship, and how to tell the difference between a reputable source and “fake news.” I was living a dream until I wasn’t.

Despite my initial excitement, the following two years took a toll on me—emotionally, physically, and mentally. It wasn’t the students or their parents that drained me; rather, it was the systemic challenges I faced: the bureaucratic hurdles, the politics within the education system, and the dynamics among the staff. The kids were the best part. The morning hugs, wiping their tears from young heartbreak, seeing the look on their faces when they could accurately describe the difference between gender and sexuality, and speaking to parents after work hours to discuss their child’s emotional growth. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to keep my body invested. I was often sick, having to leave work early for extreme stomach pains, seizures, and vertigo that reminded me of my high school party days.

In May of 2023, I received a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, which compelled me to seriously reevaluate my career path. Despite my dedication and efforts, my previous employers made it difficult for me to continue, attempting to suspend my teaching certificate indefinitely. Faced with financial strain, illness, the relentless pursuit of my dream, and a teacher tote bag full of fear, I made a bold decision. I chose to step away from the traditional teaching system and embrace independence as a sexuality educator. I didn’t know what my next step was, how I would make a name for myself, or where my next check would come from but I found clarity. I made a clear connection between what I was teaching my students and what their parents and caregivers were struggling with at home. How can I expect these children to internalize these lessons when the people they love most struggle with financial distress, relational violence, and systematic disadvantages to name a few challenges? I realized that I can maximize the impact of this work on my own terms. Facilitating workshops for parents to unpack their traumas and heal so they can be present for their children, teaching educators how to provide inclusive sexuality education, and guiding people in manifesting and maintaining their #relationshipgoals. I realized that I didn’t need external validation, support to make a difference, a platform that I should be oh so grateful for, and I didn’t have to be perfect. I just needed to be me.

Almost a year later, I have my own coaching clients, I’ve presented at some of the biggest conferences for sexuality professionals, and I’m happy. I have found joy where it always lies and I don’t have to worry about being called into the office because my lesson on gender and sexuality was “too much.”

Dakota, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

My journey into my current roles started in 2017 when I began teaching sexuality education to the youth of Newark, New Jersey. Over time, I found myself teaching general education courses and eventually earned my teacher certification to teach health in the state of New Jersey. While that chapter was fulfilling, I’ve since diversified my expertise because I don’t believe in limiting myself to a single niche.

I wear multiple hats in my work—I’m a tough love relationship coach, a sexuality educator, a sex toy seller, and a massage candle maker. My products and services are geared towards normalizing taboo topics and helping individuals manifest and maintain their #relationshipgoals whether that is their relationship with themselves or others.

What sets me apart is my tough love approach. I believe in addressing challenges head-on with honesty and empathy. Whether it’s exploring a new kink, healing from relationship trauma, building self-confidence, or embracing a happy and healthy sexual lifestyle, I provide guidance and support without sugarcoating the truth.

I’m most proud of creating a brave space where individuals can be open about their desires and challenges without fear of judgment. My goal is to empower people to embrace their authentic selves and create fulfilling relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. My journey is also a reminder to others in this field that you can create your own path if you don’t see one that is meant for you.

For potential clients, followers, and fans, I want them to know that my work is all about fostering growth, empowerment, and genuine connection through all the BS. Whether you’re looking for guidance in your relationships, seeking to explore your sexuality, or simply curious about how to lead a more fulfilling life, I’m here to support you every step of the way.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

The lesson I had to unlearn is that people pleasing doesn’t please people in the end. People pleasing creates a false sense of accomplishment and reality. We do things to make others happy, in the process abandoning ourselves which leads to resentment and emotional exhaustion. We cannot continue to please others from a place of resentment and emotional exhaustion.

As a teacher, I felt like giving was my only gift. I learned that in constantly giving, I left myself with nothing to give. Now I give what I can, when I can and if I can’t, I won’t.

Putting training and knowledge aside, what else do you think really matters in terms of succeeding in your field?

The most helpful thing for succeeding in my field is to do the thing that scares you. Sexuality professionals discuss sensitive and intimate topics. There is a lot of care and intention put into how we do what we do, whatever form it comes in. This field has come such a long way but still needs a lot of improvement. Taking a risk and doing the thing that scares you allows you to be a model for others making breakthroughs in their relationships. Often times the things that scare us are the things we must do to get to the next chapter in our story.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.getrealwithdakota.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/getrealwithdakota/