Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Rosie Silva. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Rosie, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today We’d love to hear the story behind how you got your first job in field that you currently practice in.
Fast forward a few months, and I’m in the middle of a global pandemic. After losing my home, I now lose my job, as well. Determined to start accruing the 3000 hours required to become a licensed therapist, I start sending cold emails to private practices. A practice responded- one that specialized in sex and porn addiction- and offered me a position. The rest is history!
For context, I had done my year-long internship at a Hispanic-led non-profit organization in the South Bronx, which offered several services to the Latinx community, including addiction and substance abuse services. (A little side-note, this is where I met my current boss, and best boss I ever had, Ms. Yurilka Hernandez. Again, I feel like destiny played its hand there as well).
While I had some background in addiction work, never had I ever thought or imagined that one day I would be doing sex addition and sex therapy work. So suddenly, here I was, this Afro Latina woman, leading a group of 6-7 men in a group session. Most of them Caucasian males, struggling with sex and porn addiction. Life can be funny sometimes.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
I am immigrant, I am New Yorker, I am jiujitsu fighter, I am caretaker, I am a bilingual psychotherapist who uses therapy to help people heal.
When a client logs into my virtual room for 45-60 mins, they get bits of all these different aspects of who I am. They get the fighter, the nurturer, the no-nonsense New Yorker, and the counselor. Clients come to me with a myriad of issues, ranging from not having sex with their partner for over 6 years, the pain of infidelity, sexual compulsive behavior that they are not able to stop, early ejaculation, or even needing help getting into a romantic relationship. I help them put language into the pain of having just found out that their partner betrayed them, and how to effectively name and communicate their feelings and needs. Being physically and emotionally naked in front of someone you love can be a terrifying thing. I help people overcome their fear of intimacy.
My friends and clients often tell me that my unique way of challenging them- firmly, but with care is a characteristic that sets me apart. Dealing with emotions can be a very scary, especially for people who come from homes where there was emotional and physical neglect. Despite how uncomfortable it gets facing these emotions, I find that my clients keep coming back because they know and can feel, that although I challenge to go deeper where the pain lies, I also accept and hold them there. I think that’s the essence of what people want in this chaotic world-to be held and accepted.
I am most proud of that little girl who felt rejected and limited by poverty in one of poorest states of Brazil, left home at 16 and the country at 17, moved to NYC at 19 without knowing anyone in the city, with a promise that a donor was going to pay for her undergraduate degree. She then went on to get dual masters from Columbia, paid in full, without any loans. Because she thought she could, so she did.
Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?
Having left home alone as a teenager, I am acquainted with struggles. But applying to Columbia’s master program, over 10 years after I graduated from my undergrad was a whole different ballgame.
Because I did not take any loans, nor qualified for financial aid, I had to figured out how to pay an average of $25K per semester, which is about 3 months, all the while trying to succeed in an institution known for its rigorous academic program. I did not sleep for basically the whole two years. With all the anxiety about finances and my classes, I barely ate because there was no time left to shop for groceries while going to school full-time in Harlem, doing my internship in the Bronx and working as a part-time babysitter in Brooklyn.
Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?
I think there are two things that are very important to make a successful therapist. First, you have to do the inner work. Psychology is one of the most popular degrees among college students. It is common for people to be drawn into this field due to their own traumatic past, but if they haven’t put the time and done the work required to delve into their fears and insecurities, their work will only be able to go so far. I make sure to see my own therapist weekly!
Second, and perhaps, most importantly, it is the care and love the therapist has for the client. Due to financial restraints, I had to switch therapists quite a bit in order to find one that accepts my insurance. Yet, my favorite ones were always the ones that made me feel most cared for. It is an energy, you can’t really get this through training, and clients pick that up. I get clients all the time, who after only a few sessions, will say, “I have had this secret all my life and I never shared this with anyone before…” and I think it is because they feel that energy, that makes them feel really seen, and held.
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