We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Taidyn a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Taidyn, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Do you feel you or your work has ever been misunderstood or mischaracterized? If so, tell us the story and how/why it happened and if there are any interesting learnings or insights you took from the experience?
Like every creative I’ve had the pleasure of speaking to or befriending, I have never felt like I fit in anywhere. From the age of 2 I was a true creative. For the first 16 years of my life I dreamed of being an actress, and got some incredible opportunities in that field from ages 11-15. I had a red carpet talk show called Talk With Taydyn on ToonGoggles, I was a commercial girl for Sinclair Broadcasting on KidsClick, and I got to be in a variety of fun kids commercials for brands like Mattel, and MGA Entertainment. I auditioned for more movies and TV shows than I can count, and even got the pleasure of being in a few short films for students as USC and UCLA. But all of this came to a halt in 2020.
Up until this point, I had only ever been what others expected me to be: kind, energetic, resilient, empathetic, emotional, mature, polite, and the “happiest girl in the world” often compared to sunshine. In many ways, I feel I only ever embodied what others wanted me to be. The first two months of 2020 leading up to the pandemic were spent in and out of hospital rooms, feeling my family break in half, wondering if my mom would make it out alive (she did, by God’s grace and mercy), and beginning to understand that I had a lot of trauma, and beginning to understand that my trauma mattered. My whole life, I thought I wasn’t allowed to feel anything outside of happiness or gratitude for an extended period of time, because anger, sadness, angst, pain, it was all bad, it was all “not me.” And if I felt intense waves of these feelings, I was just being “dramatic.” For 15 years, that’s what I’d been conditioned to believe.
By 2020, I was also ending my freshman year of high school, and going into my sophomore year that fall. My sophomore year marked the beginning of my fourth year of homeschool. So, not only was I isolated because of the pandemic, but any friends I did have slipped away with each year I was homeschooled. I spent 2020-2021 unpacking my trauma, becoming comfortable in solitude, feeling all my repressed emotions, slipping into an intense depression, and experiencing issues with my mental health for the first time in my life. Until one day, I didn’t know who I was anymore. That personality I’d been born with and carefully perfected for my entire life was changing. At the beginning of this transition, I thought something was wrong with me, I must not be myself because I “never felt like this” and feeling like this was “bad.”
Though I felt worse than I’ve ever felt in my life, I also started writing songs. And in fall of 2021 (the beginning of my junior year), I managed to convince my parents to send me to public school. Things were looking up, my mental health was improving, I was making friends, and I even got my first boyfriend. I thought maybe I’d finally found where I belong, and maybe I wasn’t as different as kids in my elementary school days made me out to be. But, as junior year progressed, that familiar disconnect between me and everyone else seeped back into my consciousness until it was all I could feel, and all I could think about. In 2022, I lost the girl I considered to be my best friend for my entire life, who I had broken myself in a million pieces for, and changed myself time and time again for, and poured in all my effort and love for despite receiving nothing back. The year after that, me and that boy, my first and only love, inevitably broke up. And in the midst of my self discovery, and these realizations about how disconnected and misunderstood I truly was, writing songs was the only outlet I had. My own words were the only place I could find a sense of belonging, and it was in being alone where I found a sense of comfort and understanding.
One day, I finally I realized it didn’t matter how trendy I dressed, or how outgoing I was, I was never going to fit in, and I shouldn’t try to alter bits and pieces of my personality to seek acceptance from my peers. I also began to realize that pain, angst, all those feelings I’d grown up thinking were bad, were a beautiful part of the human experience. And as I kept writing songs, I found that those feelings were the most poetic. Now, I don’t break in half when people leave, I don’t kill myself to make them stay, I don’t spend my time doing things I don’t enjoy because I think I should, or because others want me to, and I don’t mind being alone, or feeling like an outsider, because it is in that state I recovered from my people-pleasing tendencies, figured out how I feel, and what I think, and became the person I am today. It’s how I discovered I wanted to tell my stories, instead of stories other people wrote into a script. It is how I broke free from other people’s expectations of me, and the societal and self-inflicted pressure to be a certain way. It is how I found myself. And thank God I did.
I’m still the chronically optimistic, highly empathetic, enthusiastic ray of sunshine I’ve always been. But I’m also quieter, more observant, and I now possess far more depth, and a wisdom and maturity far beyond my years. I am more logical and analytical, and I would rather be alone than feel alone in a group. I would prefer not to speak at all if speaking meant being in a shallow, meaningless conversation. I don’t care what other people think about me, because now I know you can never please everyone, no matter how hard you try. And as long as I like myself, the right people will appreciate me for exactly who I am.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
My name is Taidyn. I sing, play acoustic guitar, and write songs. I am 18 years old, and currently attending college at Southern Utah University (SUU) majoring in Commercial Music, and minoring in Entrepreneurship. I choose to go by my first name, because I feel like going by my first and last name is too formal. I don’t have it all figured out and I never will. I’m a proud lifelong learner, optimist, empath, music lover, creator, friend, daughter, and writer. I love fashion, and helping other people achieve their dreams and become their best selves. I’ll always drop everything to be there for a friend, and I believe I can help bring some unity back to our divided world by making relatable music, and preaching that no matter what you’ve been through, where you come from, or what you believe, we’ve all felt the same feelings, and it’s ok to feel.
I also place emphasis on Jesus Christ. Because no matter what I’m going through or how I feel, it is my faith that fuels my optimism and positivity, and keeps me from falling into depression. I want to encourage others that God can do the same for them, and that Christianity shouldn’t be the judgmental, toxic, constricting thing that many people make it out to be. I want to love was Jesus loved (in other words, love equally and unconditionally), and encourage others to do the same. Because no matter where we differ, we are all human. We all fail, we all fall short, we all cry, scream, break, mend, sulk, and get back up. And just like God loves us, we should love each other. Because strength is found in unity.
For you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative?
Being able to express myself. I love being able to string together words in unique ways to tell a story. Whether that’s a story others have told, or one I feel is particularly unique to me. I just adore playing with words like puzzle pieces, and experimenting with metaphor, imagery, and rhyme to make something poetic and deep.
In your view, what can society to do to best support artists, creatives and a thriving creative ecosystem?
Just listen to us. No matter what kind of art we make, indulge in it. Buy authors books, listen to musicians songs, go to their shows, buy their merch, donate to their campaigns. Go to art museums, buy artists art, read poets poems. Stay open-minded because everyone experiences this world differently, and we all express things in our own ways. Open yourself up to other people’s perspectives, because life is short, and I think the worst thing you can do is keep yourself in a bubble.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://taidynkiggins.wixsite.com/taidyn3
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/xoxotaidyn/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeLeGoe714uHixYiDWxFg2g?app=desktop
- Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@_taidyn?lang=en https://linktr.ee/taidyn_
Image Credits
Taidyn Kiggins, Macey Shosted